Alright. So MMM and I had a cute date night this week. It went really well. I had decided to hold off on any form of “the talk” for now. Maybe next time. Actually, probably next time- which I’ll mention why further down in this post. I just knew that the other night wasn’t the night to bring up the conversation, since I was still confused myself. I wanted to get my head on straight (plus I was on a weird high from my audition at Fenway that happened an hour before our date) so yea. Holding off until next time.
And then last night happened. Because you know, I can’t have a regular love life without drama.
So I’m sitting in my living room around 8:15 when I get a text message from one of the guys at the gym. He mentions that a bunch of the guys were going to the bar to celebrate another kid’s 21st birthday. I couldn’t pass it up, so I threw on some makeup and ran out the door. I love those guys so much and try to never miss out when we have a get together.
So there’s a group of about 10 of us that are all in the same Muay Thai evening classes, along with our two coaches. We’re doing shots of tequila (and as always, I’m the lone female of the group, but no one even notices because that’s just how it is) and throwing back pitchers of beer- nothing unusual. We get on the subject of dating and about how I like to wingman for my guy friends and I dole out some advice (since apparently I’m now considered a “dating expert”).
And then the Bag Buddy showed up.
Bag Buddy is one of my FAVORITE friends from the gym. He joined 2-3 months after me and is just a total sweetheart. He nicknamed us “bag buddies” since we used to always team up together on the heavy bag for cardio workouts. We’ve become slightly closer lately as I took him to our friend’s New Year’s Eve party and have been chatting with him about his recent breakup. Since New Year’s, I’ve felt like he’s been treating me a little different at the gym- a little more flirty or something. I couldn’t tell if I was just paranoid or if he was just being sweet. Basically, he would just tell me that I should just get rid of MMM if he wasn’t texting me (I had mentioned that I was worried he was avoiding me, even though his cancellations ended up being legit). He would tell me that I’m pretty and that he was happy that I was so nice to him and he’d thank me for giving him advice. It wasn’t creepy, but I felt like there was something more behind his words. We kissed on New Year’s Eve, but it was a midnight kiss and it was just a tiny peck on the lips that didn’t last even .2 seconds.
Also, Bag Buddy is the same guy who’s girlfriend just dumped him via text on Christmas that I had mentioned to MMM, who wasn’t sympathetic to the situation. Full circle.
Sorry, that was a loooottttt of rambling.
Okay, so last night- he mentioned that his ex girlfriend was talking shit about him on twitter and he was really bothered by it. I told him that I’d be a mean girl and get her to stop if he wanted me to. While drunk, we thought it was funny and a good idea- good thing it didn’t happen. Either way, I’m now just keeping tabs on her on the off chance that she says something outrageous about him that I can shut down. He was so happy that I was willing to stand up for him, which I just felt bad about. Seriously, that’s what friends do right? It made me sad that he was amazed that I’d stick up for him.
At one point, I was talking to another guy at the table about the last time we drank together- the night I met MMM. Bag Buddy jumped into the conversation, asking if it was still going on. I had said yes and that we had a date the night before.
So then we moved our group to the dance floor and jokingly the boys would all dance on me because that’s just what we do. Then Bag Buddy would hug me and tell me how much he liked me and that he was glad that I was around. He hadn’t drank near as mu ch as the rest of us since he showed up later- maybe 2-3 beers. But he would just hold on to me and tell me that he had all these feelings for me and that he didn’t know what to do with them. I just smiled and hugged him because I really didn’t know what to do. He would kiss me on the cheek and I’d kiss him on the cheek and tell him that of course I’m nice to him, why wouldn’t I be?
He then reached in for a real kiss and honestly- I let it happen. I let him kiss me. I mostly was just stunned. I really didn’t know how to react. He then asked me “Are you with that guy? Because I don’t want to be an asshole- I won’t do this if you’re with him.” I was honest and said that I was sort of with him- that I was dating him, but things weren’t exclusive yet.
Things calmed down a bit, but my head was spinning. I knew I didn’t have feelings for Bag Buddy. I really, really like MMM and want things to work out with him, which just made me MAD that I didn’t know what was going on.
He did mention that he wanted to stay with me after the New Year’s party, too. Guhhh.
The night ended with Bag Buddy asking if he could take me home. I said he could. He asked if I would let him come inside and I said I wouldn’t since I had to work in the morning still. When we left the bar we realized that at that point he was too drunk to drive and that we went our separate ways.
Today is the great blizzard of 2013 in Boston- so I spend most of today gossiping with my best friend from the gym who had missed last night’s events. She’s one of the only other girls at the gym and we’re the two princesses there, so I knew she needed to hear all the stories (not just my personal drama, but all the other crap that happened, too. There’s always a fight between our group and a group of douches when we go out, haha).
If you didn’t know, this blizzard is crazy and the governor actually banned all vehicles on the road after 4pm. So around 2, I got a text from Bag Buddy, thanking me for everything. I responded ‘no problem!’ and then we got into a long talk about how he needs to move on from his ex. He apologized for being awkward and he then says “I have mad love for you and I just don’t know to show it”. I told him not to worry, that things are okay. He then asked me if I needed anything while he was out driving. Seriously? He’s an absolute doll, but I knew I couldn’t use him or lead him on. I told him I was all set, but thanked him anyway.
So now he’s kind of brushing everything off to save face. It’ll be okay and not awkward. We’ll punch it out at the gym. I’m only awkward because I don’t know if he said anything to the guys before he and I arrived at the party last night (my coach and I had a little heart to heart at one point where he asked me if I had a boyfriend- makes me thinks he was doing some investigating) and I don’t want to hurt this kid. He is an absolute sweetheart and just so sensitive (seriously, all these fighters are, it’s hilarious). And our friendship means a lot to me (and my reputation at the gym as well) and I don’t want to do anything that could harm it- even though I know he’d be the model boyfriend.
Sooooo yup. Obviously MMM will never know this whole story, but we really do need to have a chat. I don’t feel guilty about kissing another boy, but I don’t like kissing lots of boys at the same time. I only want to kiss MMM.
This post is just crap, I know. I can’t really wrap my head around all this drama.
Are You Friggin' Kidding Me? 