Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating


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Adventures in BDSM

Well, this post will probably make me somewhat popular.

 

Anyway, my roommate and long time friend has given me a sort of request for this blog. I’m pretty open and honest with her about my sex life, when we’re both gossiping anyway. So she knows that I’ve ventured into the BDSM world and is always very curious about it. I actually am good friends with quite a few people from “the scene” and it’s always great to answer her questions and show her that it’s an honest, fun time.

As interested in BDSM as I am, I actually abstained from reading 50 Shades of Grey for a long time. Not because it was horribly written (it’s fan-fic, it’s not supposed to be well-written), but because I knew that it was going to tell me nothing that I didn’t already know (why read it when I can live it?) and it would also just leave me wanting my old dom which would make me sad. Now that they’ve cast for the movie, I find myself slightly curious, mostly because I can’t figure out how they’re going to make it NOT be a porn. I decided that finally I would read the books. For free, online, of course. Not paying for those.

I’ve finished the first book and have already sat down with my friend and discussed some of my praises and concerns with the story. She gave me the idea that I kind of do a few themed posts on BDSM and the world around it.

I love the idea. 

 

Now, I’m not going to turn this blog into smut. I’m not going to give you all the erotic details (unless you want to chat privately, that is). I’m not going put up tutorials or images of porn. I’m just going to tell you people (who I’m assuming are on the more vanilla side of things) what it’s like to venture into BDSM and whatnot. I want to take the experiences that the characters in the book experience and tell you how it is like in real life, show you that we’re all just regular people, and that’s it’s an honest fun, sexy time. I promise to not make this trash.

 

All that being said, what do you think? Is there anything in particular you’d like me to talk about? 


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Oh hey fellow daters

I miss you people. More than I miss actually going on dates and stuff. 

So in order to revive Miss Jane Champagne and her active dating life, I’ve teamed up with the peeps over at The Urban Dater. I connected with them a long time ago, but will actually be writing under this pen name over there.

Since I like that this blog is about actual dates and specific experiences, I’m going to keep it that way. I’ll write some of those stories over there, but it’ll probably be more generalized, like inner ramblings about dating and relationships. 

So you all should check the site out and follow it. There’s some good stuff there. 


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Well no one expected THIS reaction

So lately, I’ve been just minding my own business. I just go to my day job in the morning and then in the evening I go to Fenway. I’ve been networking and making new friends and just loving how life is right now. I log onto OKCupid, just to check messages and to see if someone interesting is looking at my profile. Everything has been peachy and smooth and I’m happy with how everything is for now.

And then a friend of mine at Fenway (not a co-worker, but he works there on some game days. We’ll call him Radio Guy) decided to ask me out to the movies. Most people are flattered when they’re asked out, right?

Nope, not me. I went ballistic. Not on Radio Guy- I played it cool, saying that my friend was moving soon and I was trying to make sure we hung out before he left, so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hang out. But I lost my mind when I got that message and it really threw me off. Then I vented about it to my friends and just wow- I really just don’t want to date right now and I guess I didn’t realize that till now.

First of all, I was just angry because he and I are friends. I go visit him and the girl that works with him during games because we’re friends. We talk about geeky things and goof off. Then he has to try to go and push it one step further. I’m sorry, I know you guys hate the Friend Zone, but holy crap sometimes you need to just respect it. I don’t know. I’m just….GAHHH. Now everything will probably be weird, because I’m definitely totally 100% not interested in dating him as it is (we’re friends, that’s that), but I just feel that we’re not on the same level now.

Secondly, am I really that content with being this super single right now? I guess so. I mean, I don’t have a lot of spare time. The nights that the Red Sox are on the road, I’m usually catching up on laundry, going grocery shopping, doing mad amounts of cooking, and catching up with my friends who I don’t see when the Sox are in town. I barely make it to the gym because I’m so over tired from working 7 14+ days in a row.

Sure, it would be nice to have a hook up, but I just don’t have time to get ready for a first date and put in the effort for a new relationship.

So where does that leave me? Well, with Radio Guy, I don’t know. Hopefully we’ll be able to forget that he asked and move on and just be friends. Whatever. With Baby Bender? He stood me up on Sunday, so I’m slightly annoyed- but he’s moving in 2 weeks. I also think he has a girlfriend now, back home or at school. My gut is telling me this and my gut is usually right in these situations. Either way, he’s leaving anyway so there’s no point in lingering there. We’re at least still buds. Marky Mark– I should probably text him and see if he wants to hang out this weekend. It’s been awhile and it’s always a good time when he comes over.

For myself, I’m happy with how things are. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to share everything with, but that’s impossible for now. I don’t want to do the honeymoon period of the relationship- I want to skip to the real stuff, if I’m going to be doing anything right now. So for now, I’m single and that’s perfectly okay.

single

 

Besides, I can’t be having a boyfriend when guys like Alberto Callaspo are flirting with me at work. 😉


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Long overdue post about all the smiling going on

First of all, it’s my birthday today so I’m in an extra cheerful mood. I’ve had a great birthday weekend so far (most of which will be listed on my other blog since it’s mostly regarding things happening with the Red Sox and me) and today will be a good day, too.

So I had a date with Mini Marky Mark, maybe 2 weeks ago? We went out for frozen yogurt and then went back to my place for a bit. Same old, same old. I always have a good time with him- just wish that we’d actually make a move to try to be more serious. However, I can’t force him to do that, so I’ll just enjoy the time that we do spend together and not pine too much over him. He’s a good guy, but probably not THE guy, so it’s alright.

However, I’ve been spending so much more time with Baby Bender. Mostly we just get together to go to bars or parties. This weekend, he came out for my birthday and brought his older (married) brother with him since he was visiting for the long weekend. I had a great time with BB and getting to know his brother. They had plans to go to the Red Sox game the next day (yesterday, Memorial Day), since they’re Phillies fans (who were the visiting team). Neither had been to Fenway so they asked me what they should do for the day. I suggested that they do the tour of the park and get lunch/dinner at one of the bars around the field. They called me up yesterday afternoon and had me join them for dinner and I shared more information on the park. Even better, they got to cheer for me since I was part of the Memorial Day ceremony on the field during the pre-game events, which was kind of fun. 

So spending all this time with BB makes me super sad to announce that he’s LEAVING Boston in a month. He dropped the bomb on me that he’s going back to get his master’s in the fall, but will be moving back home for the rest of the summer beforehand. I’m so bummed, it’s not even funny. He assures me that he’s coming back to Boston in the spring, once he’s done with school. I’m hoping he does, if for nothing else just to have my awesome party partner back. However, I absolutely adore him and now that I’ve got in good with his brother, I just want to keep him to myself. I guess we’ll see where that goes. 

Otherwise- there’s nothing on the dating front right now. I have reactivated my OKCupid account to no avail. There are some guys I work with that are attractive and would be worth a shot, I’m sure, but I’m so awkward about flirting that I don’t know what to do. 

 


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“I just love this girl, because she’s so awesome and everyone should love her”

Well, wow. The past two weeks have been completely out of control.

So after the whole thing with the Bag Buddy kissing me and being all sweet to me- Yea, let’s catch up from there.

Please stop me if this gets jumbled and yell at me to clear it up for you. It’s complete chaos.

I hadn’t heard from MMM and decided not to reach out until after Valentine’s Day. I didn’t know where our “relationship” stood and didn’t want to build any expectations from the holiday. So I figured, I’d wait until Friday and then see if he wanted to hang out over the week. Unless, of course, he got to me first.

However, during the entire week, Bag Buddy called me a handful of times to just chat. He thanked me for always being sweet to him and taking care of him. He called me last Monday night, when I got hit hard with a mystery illness, to see if I was feeling okay and to ask me if I needed anything. He would text me throughout the week.

Oh, and #SecretCrush came back to the gym out of NOWHERE. I stopped in Wednesday night to talk to some of the guys for my radio show and he was randomly there. We grabbed some frozen yogurt with one of our other gym friends afterwards. It was fun to catch up with him!

So, Friday came and went and I didn’t message MMM. He also has not reached out to me either. I wasn’t freaking out too much about it, other than just feeling slightly sad that I wasted so much time and energy on him. I had been talking to some of my girl friends about him and Bag Buddy, including friends from our gym, and I realized that maybe I should give Bag Buddy a chance. Who knows, right? And if MMM had wanted to hang out with me, he’d put some effort into it, right?

On Sunday, my gym had this big event where we invite other gyms to come over for some smoker fights. It’s always so much fun to go to- you watch a bunch of Muay Thai fights and then we all go get trashed afterwards. However, in the middle of the whole thing, my BFF from the gym and I had plans to go to Boston University to see our friend’s senior thesis performance (he’s another kid from the gym and a theatre major- we always go to his performances). Bag Buddy was one of our guys who signed up to fight on Sunday, so I helped him get psyched up for his fight (that was mostly why he called me all week beforehand- he needed reassurance and I’m the ultimate cheerleader.

He had his fight, he did well, and then we watched everyone else’s fights. We flirted throughout the day, but everyone was flirting with everyone, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. Mostly, I was busy being the Social Director of the evening (that’s always my job- figuring out where we’re going and then getting ahold of everyone to tell them where we are).

Bag Buddy and I ended up having some alone time as we walked together to my BFF’s house to drop off his gear before heading to the bar. We didn’t talk about anything substantial. Just small talk (mostly, it was snowing like crazy so it was hard to have a real conversation). We got everyone together and then went to the bar. He and I split a pitcher and started drinking.

#SecretCrush came out of nowehere (not really, I texted him to let him know where we are) and I just always swoon when he’s around. However, I’m pretty sure he only sees me as a friend and I’m perfectly okay with that. He and I had a heart to heart about life, since we hadn’t seen each other in months. Things were good.

After a beer or two, I decided to make my move. I wanted to let Bag Buddy know that I was open to maybe starting something, so, since he was sitting next to me, I put my hand on his knee. It totally caught him off guard- to the point where he made a small scene about it- but he went along with it and just held my hand. When it came time for me to leave to go to BU, he got a little sad. I told him I’d be back in an hour after the show- that I always went to this kid’s shows and this was a big one. He kissed me and told me to text him when we were coming back.

The show was PHENOMENAL, by the way. It was a 1 man 45 minute show- in the middle of each performance, the actor would do a scene, thanking everyone. My friend turned and faced me and our other friend and made a whole scene about how much he was thankful for us in particular and how much we mean to him. It was a tear jerker for sure.

Anyway, we headed back to the bar to see that out of the group, there were only 3 guys left. And there were 2 girls there. One was all over one of the guys and one was trying to get up on Bag Buddy. He just looked at me, with this puppy dog face, and grabbed his phone. Once he finished typing, he pointed to me and then to the phone, signaling that he had just texted me. I checked my phone and he said that the other guy had asked him to wingman for him and he was annoyed and didn’t know how to get out of it. I just laughed and smiled at him and got friendly with the girl that was all over him. I felt bad for this girl, because she had no chance against me. She thought I was “so awesome and pretty” and I wanted to just say “yea, so that’s why you should leave…”, but I just let it play out. The third guy, myself, and my BFF ended up grabbing another table nearby and left the 4some at their booth.

Bag Buddy kept texting me, asking me to grab him away from this girl. I walked over there and pulled him to our table. At this point, he was really drunk and I had sobered up since I stopped drinking 2 hours before and decided I was done for the night. After some random drama from the girl who was hitting on him, he was able to chill out in peace at our table. He got all snuggly with me and just outright asked “Do you like me?” I just kinda smiled and nodded and he asked me how I liked him. I told him that I wasn’t completely sure and that it was all sudden and new to me. He ended up just leaning in and kissing me. A lot. Lots of kissing. It was slightly awkward, with our friends at the table, but it was friends that knew there was something going on between us and are rooting for the two of us to get together. I did have to push him off a little, since he was drunk and I didn’t want to get  drunk ramblings confused with actual real feelings.

So then he just yells to everyone at our table, and basically to the entire bar, “I just love this girl. She’s just so awesome and pretty and has always been there for me. Everyone should just love her.” I don’t know if I’ve ever been more embarrassed. Not because that was embarrassing, I just am weird when all the attention is on me. Our friends just looked at me and smiled and agreed with him, saying that they already loved me.

I had to leave, since I worked in the morning. We kissed as I left and we had made (drunken) plans to get together, the two of us, sometime soon. After I left, my friends ganged up on him, telling him that he needed to man up, without the alcohol, and admit that he liked me sober and take me out on a date ASAP.

Monday came and went and we chatted a little bit. I asked how his hangover was treating him and we talked about the weekend- but no mention of dating or anything. I figured he was avoiding the talk. Okay, that’s fine.

Yesterday, he texted me to ask about a video I was making him of his fight and then we just got onto chatting throughout the day. Then I finally sent a message last night asking him “Do you actually maybe like me or is that just a thing when you’re drinking?” I knew he was at the gym, but figured he’d get back to me once it was over.

He did. He called me. I really can’t get over how he actually calls to talk. I didn’t think guys did that. Anyway- basically we admitted to each other that we do like each other, but want to take it slow since we’re worried about our friendship and the dynamic at the gym. I’m not too worried about the gym- there are a few couples there and as long as you keep the relationship outside, it’s not bad.

During the call, he told me that he talked to one of the guys about it, who was supportive. He listed off some reasons why he liked me. My favorite was “I like you because you’re curious- and I don’t mean that in a perverted way, I just mean that I like that you’re just interested in everything and aren’t stuck in one particular way. You’re a lot of fun to be around because of that.”. Honestly, that was one of the sweetest things anyone ever said to me, so I was blushing pretty hard through the phone. He listed a few other reasons (I’m funny, I have nice boobs, We’re both musicians, I have nice boobs, I’m nice and sweet to him, I have nice boobs…. seriously, this is how it went, but it was a good laugh).

So while I don’t think we accomplished anything huge during the phone call, we at least know that we do like each other and are willing to slowly try something out.


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As if I wasn’t confused enough

Alright. So MMM and I had a cute date night this week. It went really well. I had decided to hold off on any form of “the talk” for now. Maybe next time. Actually, probably next time- which I’ll mention why further down in this post. I just knew that the other night wasn’t the night to bring up the conversation, since I was still confused myself. I wanted to get my head on straight (plus I was on a weird high from my audition at Fenway that happened an hour before our date) so yea. Holding off until next time.

And then last night happened. Because you know, I can’t have a regular love life without drama.

So I’m sitting in my living room around 8:15 when I get a text message from one of the guys at the gym. He mentions that a bunch of the guys were going to the bar to celebrate another kid’s 21st birthday. I couldn’t pass it up, so I threw on some makeup and ran out the door. I love those guys so much and try to never miss out when we have a get together.

So there’s a group of about 10 of us that are all in the same Muay Thai evening classes, along with our two coaches. We’re doing shots of tequila (and as always, I’m the lone female of the group, but no one even notices because that’s just how it is) and throwing back pitchers of beer- nothing unusual. We get on the subject of dating and about how I like to wingman for my guy friends and I dole out some advice (since apparently I’m now considered a “dating expert”).

And then the Bag Buddy showed up.

Bag Buddy is one of my FAVORITE friends from the gym. He joined 2-3 months after me and is just a total sweetheart. He nicknamed us “bag buddies” since we used to always team up together on the heavy bag for cardio workouts. We’ve become slightly closer lately as I took him to our friend’s New Year’s Eve party and have been chatting with him about his recent breakup. Since New Year’s, I’ve felt like he’s been treating me a little different at the gym- a little more flirty or something. I couldn’t tell if I was just paranoid or if he was just being sweet. Basically, he would just tell me that I should  just get rid of MMM if he wasn’t texting me (I had mentioned that I was worried he was avoiding me, even though his cancellations ended up being legit). He would tell me that I’m pretty and that he was happy that I was so nice to him and he’d thank me for giving him advice. It wasn’t creepy, but I felt like there was something more behind his words. We kissed on New Year’s Eve, but it was a midnight kiss and it was just a tiny peck on the lips that didn’t last even .2 seconds.

Also, Bag Buddy is the same guy who’s girlfriend just dumped him via text on Christmas that I had mentioned to MMM, who wasn’t sympathetic to the situation. Full circle.

Sorry, that was a loooottttt of rambling.

Okay, so last night- he mentioned that his ex girlfriend was talking shit about him on twitter and he was really bothered by it. I told him that I’d be a mean girl and get her to stop if he wanted me to. While drunk, we thought it was funny and a good idea- good thing it didn’t happen. Either way, I’m now just keeping tabs on her on the off chance that she says something outrageous about him that I can shut down. He was so happy that I was willing to stand up for him, which I just felt bad about. Seriously, that’s what friends do right? It made me sad that he was amazed that I’d stick up for him.

At one point, I was talking to another guy at the table about the last time we drank together- the night I met MMM. Bag Buddy jumped into the conversation, asking if it was still going on. I had said yes and that we had a date the night before.

So then we moved our group to the dance floor and jokingly the boys would all dance on me because that’s just what we do. Then Bag Buddy would hug me and tell me how much he liked me and that he was glad that I was around. He hadn’t drank near as mu ch as the rest of us since he showed up later- maybe 2-3 beers. But he would just hold on to me and tell me that he had all these feelings for me and that he didn’t know what to do with them. I just smiled and hugged him because I really didn’t know what to do. He would kiss me on the cheek and I’d kiss him on the cheek and tell him that of course I’m nice to him, why wouldn’t I be?

He then reached in for a real kiss and honestly- I let it happen. I let him kiss me. I mostly was just stunned. I really didn’t know how to react. He then asked me “Are you with that guy? Because I don’t want to be an asshole- I won’t do this if you’re with him.”  I was honest and said that I was sort of with him- that I was dating him, but things weren’t exclusive yet.

Things calmed down a bit, but my head was spinning. I knew I didn’t have feelings for Bag Buddy. I really, really like MMM and want things to work out with him, which just made me MAD that I didn’t know what was going on.

He did mention that he wanted to stay with me after the New Year’s party, too. Guhhh.

The night ended with Bag Buddy asking if he could take me home. I said he could. He asked if I would let him come inside and I said I wouldn’t since I had to work in the morning still. When we left the bar we realized that at that point he was too drunk to drive and that we went our separate ways.

Today is the great blizzard of 2013 in Boston- so I spend most of today gossiping with my best friend from the gym who had missed last night’s events. She’s one of the only other girls at the gym and we’re the two princesses there, so I knew she needed to hear all the stories (not just my personal drama, but all the other crap that happened, too. There’s always a fight between our group and a group of douches when we go out, haha).

If you didn’t know, this blizzard is crazy and the governor actually banned all vehicles on the road after 4pm. So around 2, I got a text from Bag Buddy, thanking me for everything. I responded ‘no problem!’ and then we got into a long talk about how he needs to move on from his ex. He apologized for being awkward and he then says “I have mad love for you and I just don’t know to show it”. I told him not to worry, that things are okay. He then asked me if I needed anything while he was out driving. Seriously? He’s an absolute doll, but I knew I couldn’t use him or lead him on. I told him I was all set, but thanked him anyway.

So now he’s kind of brushing everything off to save face. It’ll be okay and not awkward. We’ll punch it out at the gym. I’m only awkward because I don’t know if he said anything to the guys before he and I arrived at the party last night (my coach and I had a little heart to heart at one point where he asked me if I had a boyfriend- makes me thinks he was doing some investigating) and I don’t want to hurt this kid. He is an absolute sweetheart and just so sensitive (seriously, all these fighters are, it’s hilarious). And our friendship means a lot to me (and my reputation at the gym as well) and I don’t want to do anything that could harm it- even though I know he’d be the model boyfriend.

Sooooo yup. Obviously MMM will never know this whole story, but we really do need to have a chat. I don’t feel guilty about kissing another boy, but I don’t like kissing lots of boys at the same time. I only want to kiss MMM.

This post is just crap, I know. I can’t really wrap my head around all this drama.