Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating


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Still going strong!

Hey guys!

Things are going very well for The Yankee Fan and me. We’re coming up on the 3-month “official” mark soon and things are still pretty great! We end up seeing each other just about every day, including a lot of sleepovers. We’re still honey-mooning big time, but at the same time, our relationship still feels mature. Everything is still very exciting and we do a lot of interesting things. We’ve gone to the symphony (with plans to go again soon), comedy shows, and a few concerts. We even going to Cooperstown, NY during my birthday weekend in May to go camping, see my VERY favorite band, and hit up the Baseball Hall of Fame!

Since we both work for the Red Sox, we also have that to look forward to doing together starting next week. It’s great.

Now that I’m in this relationship and I know that it’s real, it’s fun to look at how different it is compared to dating other dudes. He is completely 100% into me and I have no insecurities about it. I’m not worried when he’s not texting me, I’m not panicking or second guessing myself. And it’s not just because it’s been a few months. Even in the beginning, I was very calm about everything. It is a great feeling.

Even when he was gone for a week in the midwest, I had no worries. His band played some shows in Ohio and in Chicago and were gone for close to a week. I missed him a lot, and he missed me, but everything was fine. I did cry the night before he left, which was so silly (we were both laughing through it), but it was only because I’d miss him. We talked every day (through text and snaps- neither of us are big phone talkers) and we had a great reunion.

So there it is! ūüėÄ


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Some catching up

Mr. Baseball is still in the picture, I guess. I mean, we still chat and I’m still very VERY much interested in him. It’s just tiring though. He lives 2 hours away and works even more than I do. I want to hang out with him so much, but it’s impossible to pin him down. He’s texting less now, but I attribute that to him being busy. He says he likes me and that he’s not tired of me, and I’ll take that literally for now. I feel that’s the easiest way to go about dating- I try to take men literally. Much better for my head if I don’t over think things.¬†

So for now, I guess I’ll keep my options open. I’ve started looking a little more on OKCupid and even on FetLife (oh yea, buddy, it’s super fun). I’m starting to feel a little lonely and wanting to feel excited about dating. It’s hard though, knowing someone so RIGHT for me is unattainable right now. I’d like to hold a torch for him, but I don’t want to miss out on something right here if he’s not going to hold it back for me.

That being said, life is crazy busy. I’m trying to land a new day job since mine is stressing me out to the max. Fenway is still as amazing as ever. And I mean that- amazing. I’m glad that I’ve had that to keep me company all summer. I haven’t really felt all that lonely because Fenway is like my own kind of boyfriend. I love that building so much and everything in it. I’m swept off my feet every night that I’m there. I love everything there and it loves me back. It’s only been recently that I’ve started to feel lonely, what with the season dying down and meeting Mr. Baseball (and not being able to keep him). I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find something to fill up the time I’ll miss when the baseball season is over. We’ll see.¬†


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“I just love this girl, because she’s so awesome and everyone should love her”

Well, wow. The past two weeks have been completely out of control.

So after the whole thing with the Bag Buddy kissing me and being all sweet to me- Yea, let’s catch up from there.

Please stop me if this gets jumbled and yell at me to clear it up for you. It’s complete chaos.

I hadn’t heard from MMM and decided not to reach out until after Valentine’s Day. I didn’t know where our “relationship” stood and didn’t want to build any expectations from the holiday. So I figured, I’d wait until Friday and then see if he wanted to hang out over the week. Unless, of course, he got to me first.

However, during the entire week, Bag Buddy called me a handful of times to just chat. He thanked me for always being sweet to him and taking care of him. He called me last Monday night, when I got hit hard with a mystery illness, to see if I was feeling okay and to ask me if I needed anything. He would text me throughout the week.

Oh, and #SecretCrush came back to the gym out of NOWHERE. I stopped in Wednesday night to talk to some of the guys for my radio show and he was randomly there. We grabbed some frozen yogurt with one of our other gym friends afterwards. It was fun to catch up with him!

So, Friday came and went and I didn’t message MMM. He also has not reached out to me either. I wasn’t freaking out too much about it, other than just feeling slightly sad that I wasted so much time and energy on him. I had been talking to some of my girl friends about him and Bag Buddy, including friends from our gym, and I realized that maybe I should give Bag Buddy a chance. Who knows, right? And if MMM had wanted to hang out with me, he’d put some effort into it, right?

On Sunday, my gym had this big event where we invite other gyms to come over for some smoker fights. It’s always so much fun to go to- you watch a bunch of Muay Thai fights and then we all go get trashed afterwards. However, in the middle of the whole thing, my BFF from the gym and I had plans to go to Boston University to see our friend’s senior thesis performance (he’s another kid from the gym and a theatre major- we always go to his performances). Bag Buddy was one of our guys who signed up to fight on Sunday, so I helped him get psyched up for his fight (that was mostly why he called me all week beforehand- he needed reassurance and I’m the ultimate cheerleader.

He had his fight, he did well, and then we watched everyone else’s fights. We flirted throughout the day, but everyone was flirting with everyone, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. Mostly, I was busy being the Social Director of the evening (that’s always my job- figuring out where we’re going and then getting ahold of everyone to tell them where we are).

Bag Buddy and I ended up having some alone time as we walked together to my BFF’s house to drop off his gear before heading to the bar. We didn’t talk about anything substantial. Just small talk (mostly, it was snowing like crazy so it was hard to have a real conversation). We got everyone together and then went to the bar. He and I split a pitcher and started drinking.

#SecretCrush came out of nowehere (not really, I texted him to let him know where we are) and I just always swoon when he’s around. However, I’m pretty sure he only sees me as a friend and I’m perfectly okay with that. He and I had a heart to heart about life, since we hadn’t seen each other in months. Things were good.

After a beer or two, I decided to make my move. I wanted to let Bag Buddy know that I was open to maybe starting something, so, since he was sitting next to me, I put my hand on his knee. It totally caught him off guard- to the point where he made a small scene about it- but he went along with it and just held my hand. When it came time for me to leave to go to BU, he got a little sad. I told him I’d be back in an hour after the show- that I always went to this kid’s shows and this was a big one. He kissed me and told me to text him when we were coming back.

The show was PHENOMENAL, by the way. It was a 1 man 45 minute show- in the middle of each performance, the actor would do a scene, thanking everyone. My friend turned and faced me and our other friend and made a whole scene about how much he was thankful for us in particular and how much we mean to him. It was a tear jerker for sure.

Anyway, we headed back to the bar to see that out of the group, there were only 3 guys left. And there were 2 girls there. One was all over one of the guys and one was trying to get up on Bag Buddy. He just looked at me, with this puppy dog face, and grabbed his phone. Once he finished typing, he pointed to me and then to the phone, signaling that he had just texted me. I checked my phone and he said that the other guy had asked him to wingman for him and he was annoyed and didn’t know how to get out of it. I just laughed and smiled at him and got friendly with the girl that was all over him. I felt bad for this girl, because she had no chance against me. She thought I was “so awesome and pretty” and I wanted to just say “yea, so that’s why you should leave…”, but I just let it play out. The third guy, myself, and my BFF ended up grabbing another table nearby and left the 4some at their booth.

Bag Buddy kept texting me, asking me to grab him away from this girl. I walked over there and pulled him to our table. At this point, he was really drunk and I had sobered up since I stopped drinking 2 hours before and decided I was done for the night. After some random drama from the girl who was hitting on him, he was able to chill out in peace at our table. He got all snuggly with me and just outright asked “Do you like me?” I just kinda smiled and nodded and he asked me how I liked him. I told him that I wasn’t completely sure and that it was all sudden and new to me. He ended up just leaning in and kissing me. A lot. Lots of kissing. It was slightly awkward, with our friends at the table, but it was friends that knew there was something going on between us and are rooting for the two of us to get together. I did have to push him off a little, since he was drunk and I didn’t want to get ¬†drunk ramblings confused with actual real feelings.

So then he just yells to everyone at our table, and basically to the entire bar, “I just love this girl. She’s just so awesome and pretty and has always been there for me. Everyone should just love her.” I don’t know if I’ve ever been more embarrassed. Not because that was embarrassing, I just am weird when all the attention is on me. Our friends just looked at me and smiled and agreed with him, saying that they already loved me.

I had to leave, since I worked in the morning. We kissed as I left and we had made (drunken) plans to get together, the two of us, sometime soon. After I left, my friends ganged up on him, telling him that he needed to man up, without the alcohol, and admit that he liked me sober and take me out on a date ASAP.

Monday came and went and we chatted a little bit. I asked how his hangover was treating him and we talked about the weekend- but no mention of dating or anything. I figured he was avoiding the talk. Okay, that’s fine.

Yesterday, he texted me to ask about a video I was making him of his fight and then we just got onto chatting throughout the day. Then I finally sent a message last night asking him “Do you actually maybe like me or is that just a thing when you’re drinking?” I knew he was at the gym, but figured he’d get back to me once it was over.

He did. He called me. I really can’t get over how he actually calls to talk. I didn’t think guys did that. Anyway- basically we admitted to each other that we do like each other, but want to take it slow since we’re worried about our friendship and the dynamic at the gym. I’m not too worried about the gym- there are a few couples there and as long as you keep the relationship outside, it’s not bad.

During the call,¬†he told me that he talked to one of the guys about it, who was supportive. He listed off some reasons why he liked me. My favorite was “I like you because you’re curious- and I don’t mean that in a perverted way, I just mean that I like that you’re just interested in everything and aren’t stuck in one particular way. You’re a lot of fun to be around because of that.”. Honestly, that was one of the sweetest things anyone ever said to me, so I was blushing pretty hard through the phone. He listed a few other reasons (I’m funny, I have nice boobs, We’re both musicians, I have nice boobs, I’m nice and sweet to him, I have nice boobs…. seriously, this is how it went, but it was a good laugh).

So while I don’t think we accomplished anything huge during the phone call, we at least know that we do like each other and are willing to slowly try something out.


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As if I wasn’t confused enough

Alright. So MMM and I had a cute date night this week. It went really well. I had decided to hold off on any form of “the talk” for now. Maybe next time. Actually, probably next time- which I’ll mention why further down in this post. I just knew that the other night wasn’t the night to bring up the conversation, since I was still confused myself. I wanted to get my head on straight (plus I was on a weird high from my audition at Fenway that happened an hour before our date) so yea. Holding off until next time.

And then last night happened. Because you know, I can’t have a regular love life without drama.

So I’m sitting in my living room around 8:15 when I get a text message from one of the guys at the gym. He mentions that a bunch of the guys were going to the bar to celebrate another kid’s 21st birthday. I couldn’t pass it up, so I threw on some makeup and ran out the door. I love those guys so much and try to never miss out when we have a get together.

So there’s a group of about 10 of us that are all in the same Muay Thai evening classes, along with our two coaches. We’re doing shots of tequila (and as always, I’m the lone female of the group, but no one even notices because that’s just how it is) and throwing back pitchers of beer- nothing unusual. We get on the subject of dating and about how I like to wingman for my guy friends and I dole out some advice (since apparently I’m now considered a “dating expert”).

And then the Bag Buddy showed up.

Bag Buddy is one of my FAVORITE friends from the gym. He joined 2-3 months after me and is just a total sweetheart. He nicknamed us “bag buddies” since we used to always team up together on the heavy bag for cardio workouts. We’ve become slightly closer lately as I took him to our friend’s New Year’s Eve party and have been chatting with him about his recent breakup. Since New Year’s, I’ve felt like he’s been treating me a little different at the gym- a little more flirty or something. I couldn’t tell if I was just paranoid or if he was just being sweet. Basically, he would just tell me that I should ¬†just get rid of MMM if he wasn’t texting me (I had mentioned that I was worried he was avoiding me, even though his cancellations ended up being legit). He would tell me that I’m pretty and that he was happy that I was so nice to him and he’d thank me for giving him advice. It wasn’t creepy, but I felt like there was something more behind his words. We kissed on New Year’s Eve, but it was a midnight kiss and it was just a tiny peck on the lips that didn’t last even .2 seconds.

Also, Bag Buddy is the same guy who’s girlfriend just dumped him via text on Christmas that I had mentioned to MMM, who wasn’t sympathetic to the situation. Full circle.

Sorry, that was a loooottttt of rambling.

Okay, so last night- he mentioned that his ex girlfriend was talking shit about him on twitter and he was really bothered by it. I told him that I’d be a mean girl and get her to stop if he wanted me to. While drunk, we thought it was funny and a good idea- good thing it didn’t happen. Either way, I’m now just keeping tabs on her on the off chance that she says something outrageous about him that I can shut down. He was so happy that I was willing to stand up for him, which I just felt bad about. Seriously, that’s what friends do right? It made me sad that he was amazed that I’d stick up for him.

At one point, I was talking to another guy at the table about the last time we drank together- the night I met MMM. Bag Buddy jumped into the conversation, asking if it was still going on. I had said yes and that we had a date the night before.

So then we moved our group to the dance floor and jokingly the boys would all dance on me because that’s just what we do. Then Bag Buddy would hug me and tell me how much he liked me and that he was glad that I was around. He hadn’t drank near as mu ch as the rest of us since he showed up later- maybe 2-3 beers. But he would just hold on to me and tell me that he had all these feelings for me and that he didn’t know what to do with them. I just smiled and hugged him because I really didn’t know what to do. He would kiss me on the cheek and I’d kiss him on the cheek and tell him that of course I’m nice to him, why wouldn’t I be?

He then reached in for a real kiss and honestly- I let it happen. I let him kiss me. I mostly was just stunned. I really didn’t know how to react. He then asked me “Are you with that guy? Because I don’t want to be an asshole- I won’t do this if you’re with him.” ¬†I was honest and said that I was sort of with him- that I was dating him, but things weren’t exclusive yet.

Things calmed down a bit, but my head was spinning. I knew I didn’t have feelings for Bag Buddy. I really, really like MMM and want things to work out with him, which just made me MAD that I didn’t know what was going on.

He did mention that he wanted to stay with me after the New Year’s party, too. Guhhh.

The night ended with Bag Buddy asking if he could take¬†me home. I said he could. He asked if I would let him come inside and I said I wouldn’t since I had to work in the morning still. When we left the bar we realized that at that point he was too drunk to drive and that we went our separate ways.

Today is the great blizzard of 2013 in Boston- so I spend most of today gossiping with my best friend from the gym who had missed last night’s events. She’s one of the only other girls at the gym and we’re the two princesses there, so I knew she needed to hear all the stories (not just my personal drama, but all the other crap that happened, too. There’s always a fight between our group and a group of douches when we go out, haha).

If you didn’t know, this blizzard is crazy and the governor actually banned all vehicles on the road after 4pm. So around 2, I got a text from Bag Buddy, thanking me for everything. I responded ‘no problem!’ and then we got into a long talk about how he needs to move on from his ex. He apologized for being awkward and he then says “I have mad love for you and I just don’t know to show it”. I told him not to worry, that things are okay. He then asked me if I needed anything while he was out driving. Seriously? He’s an absolute doll, but I knew I couldn’t use him or lead him on. I told him I was all set, but thanked him anyway.

So now he’s kind of brushing everything off to save face. It’ll be okay and not awkward. We’ll punch it out at the gym. I’m only awkward because I don’t know if he said anything to the guys before he and I arrived at the party last night (my coach and I had a little heart to heart at one point where he asked me if I had a boyfriend- makes me thinks he was doing some investigating) and I don’t want to hurt this kid. He is an absolute sweetheart and just so sensitive (seriously, all these fighters are, it’s hilarious). And our friendship means a lot to me (and my reputation at the gym as well) and I don’t want to do anything that could harm it- even though I know he’d be the model boyfriend.

Sooooo yup. Obviously MMM will never know this whole story, but we really do need to have a chat. I don’t feel guilty about kissing another boy, but I don’t like kissing lots of boys at the same time. I only want to kiss MMM.

This post is just crap, I know. I can’t really wrap my head around all this drama.


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Brief Catch-Up on Life and Mini Marky Mark

Sorry I’ve been kind of out of it. I’ve been running around like crazy, launching a start up and everything. I also auditioned at Fenway over the weekend to be the next announcer (fingers crossed!) and got to hit in the batting cages with one of my favorite players, so things have been all weird here.

 

Things with Mini Marky Mark are okay, I think. I say that because I have seen him once since before New Years Eve. At first I was really panicky about it, thinking he was dodging me, but we were still in touch at least. He went to a different party on New Years, went on vacation for a few days, then had the flu, and then was at a conference for a few days. Then on top of that, he had to catch up on work. I was starting to feel like I should give up, but we were able to make plans and went out on Wednesday. Our original plans were to go to a movie, but we ended up going to our favorite hipster bar for some beers and then back to my place. I feel like I was kinda weird in the beginning, but he was very sweet during the whole night, as usual. I did tease him “Do I have to wait a whole month to see you again?”, and he laughed, said no, and then said that he had no travel plans until March for work so he’ll be around. So, I guess that’s good? I sent him a message today, seeing what his plans were for the weekend and am trying to see if we can make plans for it or if he wants to hang out next week. Hopefully things will now go more smoothly and we can actually progress here.

The one thing that set me off a little, and maybe this is just a guy thing, was how he reacted when I told him about feeling bad for one of my friends. I had mentioned that a friend of mine from the gym came to a party with me and that I was feeling bad for him because his girlfriend had dumped him via text on Christmas. MMM asked how long they were dating and I replied that I wasn’t really sure, but at least a few months. He shrugged it off and said that he should be fine and get over it and that someday he’ll grow up and learn. I didn’t really know what he meant by it and I didn’t want to dwell too much on it right then, so I just shrugged and changed the subject.

So yea- I was hoping by now we could have had the exclusivity chat and what not, but I feel like the month long absence ruined that for now. On the flip side, I honestly don’t think he’s seeing anyone else anyway- mostly because he just doesn’t have the time. I know where he works, and it’s an hour commute from his home each way. And with all the activities he does with his friends/coworkers, I can tell that he just doesn’t have time to fit in multiple women. Here’s hoping anyway. Maybe after a few more dates that are closer together we’ll be able to have the chat and be able to move the relationship along.

That’s all I’ve got for now.


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The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 3

If you haven’t read the first few installments, here’s Vol. 1 and Vol 2.

So yea, in January, The Not-Boyfriend dumped me for the second time. I came home, had a good cry with my roommate, and moved on. I did not message him at all. Just moved right along.

Then comes Valentine’s Day. VALENTINE’S DAY.

He sends me a facebook message with a Some E-Card that says ‘Happy Van-Halentines Day!’ Not sure if he knew that Van Halen was my favorite band or not, but either way- I loved it. He referred to me as “Doll” which annoyed the hell out of the LomL, since he’s the only person that I know that refers to me as Doll or Dollface. He referenced my facebook status that I had up which was something to do with my awful haircut and my giant bruises from Muay Thai, saying that he hoped my bruises healed and “your hair was never horrendous”. He wasn’t currently aware of my recent venture into Muay Thai, so who knew what he was thinking my bruises were from. Anyway, I flipped out when I saw this message and thanked him and then mentioned that we should hit up another wing place sometime and invited him over for “Zombie Sunday” (my roommates and I used to get BBQ and watch The Walking Dead…barbaric and awesome). I figured we could be friends, but that was it. Wasn’t expecting him to agree at all.

He responds that he’d love to but then attached this message: “Or – I have a bottle of wine that has been sitting on my desk for over a year. (Can’t exactly show up to the frat house ready to party with a bottle of pinot, know what I mean?) If you ever wanted to come over and watch a movie and help me drink it you’re more than welcome to.”

WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?! It was VALENTINE’S DAY! I knew that he more than likely didn’t mean anything by it, but I didn’t want to confuse my heart any more, so I decided that I would take him up on the offer, but not on that night. We ended up getting together a few days later and I had baked some cookies before going over there to bring him. I thought that if he was offering wine, I’d offer cookies since they are my specialty and I had told him months before that I’d make him some sometime.

Well, we drank the bottle of wine and sat on the couch in his room to watch The Big Lebowski. He sat awfully close to me and I had to keep telling myself that it was nothing.

That is until he turned around to kiss me after the movie was over. So there, my heart shatters into a million little pieces all over again because I have no idea what the hell he’s doing. I let him kiss me to see if he meant to do it, but he kept coming at me. I stopped him and asked him what he was doing and if this was all okay. He said yes, but he couldn’t have sex with me. I understood that and decided, okay why not, and let the fooling around session begin.

I hung around for a little while with him afterwards and we had this really…reallllllly awkward talk. This is the talk that basically summed up everything about him that I had sorta figured out on my own.

  • He had never even kissed a girl until winter break of his senior year of college. This is also when he started drinking alcohol.
  • He didn’t lose his virginity until after the last party of senior year of college, to some frat rat.
  • He didn’t know if he was¬†circumcised¬†or not and flat out asked me because he knew I wouldn’t tease him (making him comfortable with me? I don’t know…).

I just wanted to hold him right then and there and take care of him. I was so confused how someone so attractive and sweet could be so “innocent”. I guess that’s the life of being a computer nerd? Man, it really blew me away, but it made everything else make sense. Of course he wouldn’t want to be with me who’s more….experienced, we’ll say. He was scared of me. Not that I’ve been around the block a million times, but yea. I scared him, plus being H-positive was just way too much for him. Understandable.

After I left that night, we started seeing each other again. I tried to keep telling myself that it was nothing and to not get too excited about it. That was hard, seeing as he actually dropped the word “relationship” once, while joking that it would be funny if we fought over a movie and that’s what ended our relationship. Every time we hung out ended with us fooling around- with no sex (intercourse, if you will).

We went on a string of dates that included our infamous Pi Day date. I became frazzled after awhile when we’d keep hanging out, but too much time would pass between dates. He went away for what I thought was only going to be a weekend conference in Florida. It ended up being over a week and then his phone was stolen…and then he went to Colorado for a week after that. I had NO idea where he was, what was up…just over all confused and slightly hurt that he wouldn’t just say “Hey I’m going out of town to visit friends for the week”. Would have saved a LOT of craziness in my brain if he would have. Or he’d tell me things he thought I’d want to hear.

 

Oh, and one time he gave me a pet name.

It’s all very movie-like, right? Ugh, so stupid! It drove me insane. Especially when he FORGOT my BIRTHDAY and then FORGOT to mention that he was going to EUROPE. Luckily, while all that was going on, the Love of my Life was around and pretty much made me give up on the whole thing with The Not-Boyfriend.

 

And then it ended when I got that really stupid message about something on facebook, that I still don’t know what he’s referring to.

 

So yea. That was long winded. I could be more specific, but this post would be a mile long and honestly- it’s the same thing over and over again. When he was around, he was WONDERFUL. Then 2-3 weeks would go by before we hung out again.

 

Yup, glad that’s over.


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The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 2

So, here is the second installation of The Not-Boyfriend series. Please refer to this post for the first installment.

Months had passed since I received the email from The Not-Boyfriend without word from him. We were facebook friends, but he was hardly an active user. This made things easier for me because I wasn’t constantly checking his profile for changes. Time was passing and I wasn’t as sad anymore and I decided that after New Years, I’d send him a message and see if he wanted to grab a drink sometime- as friends. He was a fun guy and I liked being around him, and it wasn’t like we ended HATING each other. We’re adults, right?

His birthday is in December, so when it rolled around, I wrote on his facebook wall, like every other facebooker does. It was generic- “Happy birthday!” A few minutes later, I got a message from him on facebook! I literally screamed from my room, which made my roommates all nervous.

His message was cute and simple. Basically, a “Thanks! Long time no see! Hope you’re doing well!”. I responded appropriately and threw in a “hey wanna grab a drink or something sometime?” in the message. I figured he’d say yes to be nice, but that no actual plans would be made. I was shocked to get a message back saying that he’d love to and “How about Thursday?” I didn’t think we’d actually do it, but there it was.

We met up at this hipster bar (awkwardly enough, it’s the bar that Mini Marky Mark and I love to go to now), since we’re both lovers of PBR and free popcorn. He hugged me when we met up and then we went inside. It was a simple little meet up and I had no idea what it meant. We just chatted a little and he became obsessed with the fact that I’m friends with Adam from Real World: Las Vegas¬†(yes, I really am- ask me about it if you’re really interested in knowing about it). After about an hour, he said that he needed to get going since he was flying home that weekend and still needed to pack. We hugged as we said goodbye, he told me that I smelled good, and that was that.

Fast forward to New Years Day. I had posted a facebook status around that time, asking if anyone wanted to watch the Winter Classic with me. I’m a Phildelphia Flyers fan when it comes to hockey, so I don’t have anyone to watch games with in Boston since they’re big rivals. I figured no one would volunteer, but was just going to watch at a bar by myself when the day came. However, I got a message from The Not-Boyfriend, saying that he’d love to watch the game with me even though he knew nothing about hockey. I was blown away and took him up on the offer. I asked him where he’d like to watch the game and he suggested ‘oh I hear there’s this baseball park in the city that has a bar or two nearby. ;)”

Oh, okay, you’re going to take me to Fenway and not expect me to swoon over you? Great.

So I met up with him at Fenway Park and we shuffled inside one of the bars that’s built into the park. It was pretty cool because the ice was on the field for Frozen Fenway and they had the gate open so we could see the field from the bar. We got the bartenders to put the game on for me and we sat there and had a couple drinks and watched the game. We talked about our holidays and caught up briefly. After the game, when we decided to head out, we had our goodbye hug outside the park. Our hugged turned into a kiss, which turned into a slight makeout session.

Really? What the hell is this?

We parted, and I had no idea what to make of anything.

We exchanged a few messages over the next week or two, innocently. The kiss was not brought up by either of us. Then I stupidly invited him over to watch the Patriots and Broncos game with me and my friends.

Except my friends and I weren’t watching the game. I made it up, expecting him to say no and we’d make different plans. Only he caught me off guard and said yes. He hates the Patriots, but hates Tim Tebow more, so he was looking for people to watch the game with to yell at Tebow. I became¬†frantic¬†because I couldn’t get people together for this game to save my life! I ended up just going to a bar for the game and had people go there for it. That way my non-athletic friends could just be at the bar, and he and I could watch the game, and he’d know nothing.

We all had a good time and decided to stay out and do karaoke. It was a fun/awkward time (the group was weird- weird dynamic) and then we went home. He had met up with me at my place, so he came over to grab his bike. He did come upstairs for a minute (I can’t remember the original reason), but when we were saying goodbye, we started kissing again.

SERIOUSLY?!

My roommate ended up coming upstairs shortly after, which broke us up. I told him he didn’t have to leave right away if he didn’t want to. We ended up settling down on the couch and watched some tv and made out some more. We then ended up in my bedroom. I asked him a few times “are you sure you’re okay with this?” and he said he was. So we had sex. After cuddling for a little while afterwards, he left.

So here I am, all sorts of confused. Meanwhile, I’m still seeing The Baseball Player, who I was also head over heels for. I was into both guys, but didn’t know which direction I wanted to take. It was too early to have the exclusivity chat with either boy, but I decided that I would get The Not-Boyfriend out again and ask him what the hell was up with us. I decided that since he and I had a history and I was already into him, I’d go for him seriously first and then if that didn’t work, move on for good, to The Baseball Player.

I managed to get The Not-Boyfriend out again the following week for dinner. We had a great time at this wings place. As we were leaving, we were having our typical goodbye hug and make out session. After the kiss, I pulled away and asked him “So what is this anyway?”

Whoops.

He stumbled over a bunch of words, got a little teary eyed, and basically said that he had the same issues as before with me and that he still wasn’t sure if he could actually date me. He said that he really liked me and that the whole thing sucked, but he was too young to worry about my “issue”. I just stood there, slightly teary eyed, but managed to keep my cool. We hugged and he said “I guess I can’t kiss you anymore now”. I nodded, said goodbye, and walked off. I really had no words for him.

I came home and had a good cry, but then moved my efforts to the Baseball Player. Even though that didn’t work out either, it was a welcome distraction and a much better option for me to go for at the time.