Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating


The Therapist

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve jumped back into the BDSM world and have been more active with my FetLife account. Fetlife, first of all, is pretty great because it’s not an actual dating site. It’s really just a sort of social media networking site for a niche group. However, if you use it to meet people, all the better.

Anyway, I have a minimalist profile. I have a few photos, none of my face, but of my mouth and a little cleavage. Nothing too revealing, just sexy enough to get attention without showing off everything. My profile says that I’m interested in learning more and finding a Daddy-Dom type personality. I get messages from some real creeps sometimes, but lately I’ve had a couple that seemed interesting.

One was from a guy that I refer to as The Therapist. His profile was minimal, like mine, but we had a nice conversation on the site. He was born and raised in Dorchester (swoon!) and still lives there. He’s working on his Ph.D. and is a Daddy-Dom. He was very nice in his messaging and not creepy at all. After a few days of chatting, we decided to meet up for a drink.

I ended up being a little late, since I opted at last minute to be a hair model for one of my friends who’s in cosmetology school. He was totally cool with it, despite my over apologizing. He was slightly embarrassed for being over dressed (he was still wearing a suit from work), but he looked fine. Very cute.

We had a great discussion about psycho analysis and how the brain works. He works at a prison as a therapist and I found it extremely fascinating, since I majored in criminology. We chatted about that, Boston sports, and he tried to analyze me. He found me difficult to figure out, saying “nothing about you makes sense”, which he seemed to like. After a chatting for awhile about “vanilla subjects”, he turned and started asking me what I was looking for and telling me what he was looking for. We talked about Dom/Sub relationships and why each of us is the way we are. It seemed like we were pretty compatable and he wanted to see me again. We left the bar, he kissed me, and we went our separate ways.

Date 2 was a few days later. I went to his neighborhood in Dorchester (have I mentioned that I love this area of Boston?) and we grabbed a drink at this Irish (duh) pub. He was a little extra flirty, putting his arm on my chair to sort of tell the other guys at the bar that I was “his”, so to speak. He suggested we go to his apartment to “watch a movie or something”. I’m not stupid, I know what this means, but sure, why the hell not?

His apartment was pretty awesome. We settled on watching Major League in his room. We cuddled and we started to make out. After getting a little handsy, I stopped to tell him that we couldn’t have sex that night. He seemed perfectly okay with that and asked me if I wanted to stop altogether. I said no, but it just couldn’t go any further. He accepted that and we went on our way to fooling around. I can see where his dominance comes out, even if I could tell he was holding back. I asked if he wanted to stop, since I was basically just a big tease for him, and he said “No, I can handle this. If it’s too much, I’ll stop, but you made yourself clear and I don’t want to push you into anything”. Alright. After awhile, he drove me home, held my hand in the car, kissed me goodnight, and off I went.

Date 3 was two days later. He came over to my apartment after work. We settled on a movie in my room, where we proceeded to fool around again. Clothes started coming off and I stopped everything to drop my H Bomb on him. He looked a little stunned, I hate having to drop that news on someone during the act, but I had a hard time figuring it into conversation before things went down, and it had to come out sooner than later. He told me he didn’t know a lot about it and that he would like to do a little research. I told him to take his time, that I wasn’t trying to pressure him. I just wanted him to know so he could make his own informed decision. He asked if we could still fool around, that he wasn’t expecting us to have sex that night anyway, and I said yes. So the night still went pretty well, even if there’s a blip on the radar now.

He told me on his way out that the week would be really busy for him, which is understandable as he works full time and is a doctorate student. I told him that I would be fine, that I had a lot of things going on, too (playoffs, baby!), so not to worry about me.

We texted the next day, but I haven’t heard from him since. I’m not taking it personally yet, but if he wants to see me, he’ll message me. I like him, but I’m not overly attached to him. He’s a great guy who is super smart and sweet. I know our sex life would be a blast. However, I don’t really understand what he wants in our relationship anyway. I don’t know if he’s looking for a girlfriend who likes kink, or if he just wants someone to fuck around with. Either one works for me, but I’m not exactly sure yet, so I don’t mind that it’s a slow process for now. And it’s totally fine if he doesn’t want to sleep with me after the bomb I dropped on him. I know I wouldn’t really want to. So I guess for now, we’ll just see how this plays out.



My personal history with BDSM

This is the first post of my BDSM series. It’s just a little history of my interest in BDSM. I hope you enjoy it and please, no judgement. I’m trying to give you all some details without going too far down the rabbit hole. This is not my best writing by far, but it’s at least a little bit about me. I’m also not claiming to be an expert or to be extremely experienced. 

My interest in BDSM started with two different guys. One, oddly enough, is the LomL. The other was a boy that I chatted with for years, but never ended up hooking up with despite both of us always wanting to. I’ll call him The Brit, since he’s from the UK.

Basically, all there is to The Brit is that he was a GORGEOUS soccer player at a college near my home town. We talked all the time. It turned into more of just sexting and it was ALWAYS super dirty. Raunchy. But tamer than what LomL had in store for me.

LomL brought me into his world of BDSM when he told me about his sex life with his ex girlfriend. At first, I was appalled when he told me he slapped her before a blow job. I remember thinking that I would never be into that. (However, back when he came to visit me, we engaged in such activities and it was fantastic.)

I honestly don’t know how that all changed. I really think that with enough alcohol and being horny enough, I let him talk me through it online or something. I just asked a lot of questions and he was honest with me.

Now for my own personal life, I had always been into rougher sex. I got bored if it was super slow or soft. I don’t know. I guess that has a time and place, and maybe it’s because I’ve never been “in love” with someone to experience the whole “making love” thing. I just always liked sex to be fast and hard. Spanking had been the next thing to be added to the mix. Then hair pulling. It started becoming part of the game with a couple guys I frequently hooked up with in college. They’d take control and push me against a wall when I was alone at a party (this would all be semi-pre-planned. They didn’t do this if I didn’t agree to meet up with them). They’d kiss me, pull onto my hair, and pull me into a room for our next activities. Add some nails, teeth, etc, of course.

In college, that was as far as I went. Then I dated this guy who requested that I call him by Daddy during sex. I tried it out and it wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. I don’t know, I guess I can separate “Daddy” from my actual Dad (I don’t ever refer to him as daddy anyway). Maybe I have daddy issues. Who knows. Anyway, I kinda liked calling him daddy while he took control in the bedroom.

It branched from there. I hooked up with a guy that I had been flirting with for a few weeks. I called him daddy and turns out he loved it as well. He had never been called that so, yay me.

As time went on, I ventured more into watching hardcore/rough sex porn. I had always wanted to try to be tied up and have no control over the situation (no, not a rape scenario. All consensual, obviously). I was getting more interested in the toys.

However, I have never been into the “crazier” things as I call them. Things like suspension and fisting. No thanks.

Anyway, I moved to Boston and reconnected with one of my high school friends. I quickly found out that he was into the BDSM/Fetish scene here and met a few of his friends. I admitted to him that I was interested in maybe attending some parties, but as an observer, since I had a lot to learn.

Then I ended up hanging out with The Chef. After our second time out, I ended up back at his place for some fooling around. He was the first boy to slap me. It wasn’t hard at all. I mean, it wasn’t soft either, but it didn’t hurt me. I don’t know how to explain it, but it turned me on more.

Soon after The Chef, I met The Baseball Player, who I often refer to as my first Dom. He has his own rules he wanted me to follow and I was thrilled to have the chance to please him. It was weird to feel that way, since that’s not how I normally am. However, he was so sexy and I just wanted to be with him so badly. And every time with him is absolutely amazing. His rules aren’t crazy. And honestly, if I don’t follow them, it’s not like anything happens for real. Basically, I’m not supposed to sleep with anyone but him (he stays monogamous, too, supposedly), I refer to him as Daddy when I’m with him, but call him by his name when I come. If I come when he’s not with me, I’m still supposed to call out his name. He is in total control when he’s with me and I do what he tells me to do.

So yes, in a way, he’s my very own Christian Grey, for all your 50 Shades fans. And I guess in some ways, I’m kind of an Ana, but in a much cooler way.

He punished me one time. I wasn’t allowed to come. That’s actually a pretty awful punishment when he’s around.

So, sometimes I think he reads my mind because he always appears out of nowhere. I hadn’t heard from him in the past year, so I figured he went and got a for real girlfriend. When I started reading 50 Shades about 2 weeks ago, I started remembering our time together and started to miss him. Even more than just sex-he was a fun guy to hang out with. We both enjoy baseball immensely and have a lot of other common interests. And he’s a pretty nice guy, even if he likes to control me from afar (sometimes he’ll text me with a mission- usually a dirty picture with a sign so he knows I did it right when he said he did).

Anyway, after reading the books, I shot in the dark and sent him a text message. I didn’t hear back, so I figured that was that. The next afternoon though, I got a text from him. This was last Friday. He said that he needed to see me that night. So we made it happen.

And we made up for lost time, that’s for sure. I have a box of costumes (mostly because I love ANYTHING that involves a costume) so I had put together a revealing school girl/naughty librarian outfit for him. He took control the second he walked into the door and it was amazing.

He had actually lived pretty far away from the city in the past year, explaining his absence. He know lives a few minutes away, so I’m hoping our little relationship will continue for a bit. I had mentioned to him before that I wouldn’t mind trying more hardcore things. He told me he can be “pretty brutal” and he doesn’t want to push me into it. I’m willing to at least try it. We’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I belong to an online social networking site called I stay fairly anonymous on there, but I do talk to people with the intent to meet up with them. I keep things very “vanilla” to start. I have yet to hook up with anyone from the site, but who knows. Maybe some day. It’s just an interesting way to research other fetishes that I don’t know about and to talk to people that understand.

I guess the reason why I like BDSM and being a submissive in the bedroom is mostly due to my natural behavior. I’m very independent. I’m also a tomboy and am very strong willed. I’m usually in charge of most things. It’s fun to just NOT be in control for a little while. Someone just telling me what to do, it just feels good. Just for a little while. And the best part is that it benefits me, too. I mean, it’s not like it’s just for him to get off (unless I’m being punished). He wants me to feel good, too. It’s fun for both of us. And that’s what’s important in this lifestyle.

So yea, that’s my sort of history. I’m sure I’m missing a ton. I’m sure you may have some questions and comments. Have at it!


Adventures in BDSM

Well, this post will probably make me somewhat popular.


Anyway, my roommate and long time friend has given me a sort of request for this blog. I’m pretty open and honest with her about my sex life, when we’re both gossiping anyway. So she knows that I’ve ventured into the BDSM world and is always very curious about it. I actually am good friends with quite a few people from “the scene” and it’s always great to answer her questions and show her that it’s an honest, fun time.

As interested in BDSM as I am, I actually abstained from reading 50 Shades of Grey for a long time. Not because it was horribly written (it’s fan-fic, it’s not supposed to be well-written), but because I knew that it was going to tell me nothing that I didn’t already know (why read it when I can live it?) and it would also just leave me wanting my old dom which would make me sad. Now that they’ve cast for the movie, I find myself slightly curious, mostly because I can’t figure out how they’re going to make it NOT be a porn. I decided that finally I would read the books. For free, online, of course. Not paying for those.

I’ve finished the first book and have already sat down with my friend and discussed some of my praises and concerns with the story. She gave me the idea that I kind of do a few themed posts on BDSM and the world around it.

I love the idea. 


Now, I’m not going to turn this blog into smut. I’m not going to give you all the erotic details (unless you want to chat privately, that is). I’m not going put up tutorials or images of porn. I’m just going to tell you people (who I’m assuming are on the more vanilla side of things) what it’s like to venture into BDSM and whatnot. I want to take the experiences that the characters in the book experience and tell you how it is like in real life, show you that we’re all just regular people, and that’s it’s an honest fun, sexy time. I promise to not make this trash.


All that being said, what do you think? Is there anything in particular you’d like me to talk about? 


Guy got BOLD

Last night, I went out to celebrate America with a couple of gym friends. A bunch of their friends came with them, so I got to meet a whole bunch of new people. There was one guy in the group that I was kind of curious about, but not so curious that I was trying to get to him. I wasn’t planning on staying out much later after the fireworks, and I wasn’t going to be drinking much anyway, so I didn’t want to go down that road for the evening. I was sure I’d meet him again another time, since we have mutual friends.

Anyway, as we watched the fireworks from the top of Boston (We have the best 4th of July here, I mean, we only INVENTED America, haha), we decided on what bar to hit up afterwards. I noticed that this guy (I don’t even have a name for him. Maybe the Bold One? I don’t know.) just seemed odd. He really didn’t give a fuck about anything. Little too free spirited/self centered for me. Does that even make sense? Whatever.

We moved on to a bar and he bought a handful of beers. I was in the right spot at the right time and he gave me one. Rock on.

I chatted up with all of the people in the group, except for the Bold One, mostly because he sat there silently, drinking his beers. Everyone else was outgoing and talkative, so it was hard for me to really reach him.

Eventually, we had this not-so-awkward eye contact moment, and just made this hilarious face at each other, which then opened the door for him to sit next to me. This is literally the conversation we had:

Him: “What’s your name again?”

Me: “Jane. Yours?”

Him: “(name.) Where do you live?”

Me: “(town.)”

Him: “Well fuck this place, let’s go there. I’m very generous.”

Me: “Eh, I don’t think so. I have to work early tomorrow.”

Him: “I can wake up early. I want to eat your pussy.”

It went on a little after that. Me saying no, him begging. He got the memo, pouted for a bit at the other end of the table, and then tried again an hour later.

I’m not offended, mostly because, whatever, but I was just amazed that he just straight up got to the point. I was shocked, honestly. It would have been one thing had we been flirting beforehand and everything. I still would have said no, but I wouldn’t have been so shocked.

So yea, that was my night.




Well no one expected THIS reaction

So lately, I’ve been just minding my own business. I just go to my day job in the morning and then in the evening I go to Fenway. I’ve been networking and making new friends and just loving how life is right now. I log onto OKCupid, just to check messages and to see if someone interesting is looking at my profile. Everything has been peachy and smooth and I’m happy with how everything is for now.

And then a friend of mine at Fenway (not a co-worker, but he works there on some game days. We’ll call him Radio Guy) decided to ask me out to the movies. Most people are flattered when they’re asked out, right?

Nope, not me. I went ballistic. Not on Radio Guy- I played it cool, saying that my friend was moving soon and I was trying to make sure we hung out before he left, so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hang out. But I lost my mind when I got that message and it really threw me off. Then I vented about it to my friends and just wow- I really just don’t want to date right now and I guess I didn’t realize that till now.

First of all, I was just angry because he and I are friends. I go visit him and the girl that works with him during games because we’re friends. We talk about geeky things and goof off. Then he has to try to go and push it one step further. I’m sorry, I know you guys hate the Friend Zone, but holy crap sometimes you need to just respect it. I don’t know. I’m just….GAHHH. Now everything will probably be weird, because I’m definitely totally 100% not interested in dating him as it is (we’re friends, that’s that), but I just feel that we’re not on the same level now.

Secondly, am I really that content with being this super single right now? I guess so. I mean, I don’t have a lot of spare time. The nights that the Red Sox are on the road, I’m usually catching up on laundry, going grocery shopping, doing mad amounts of cooking, and catching up with my friends who I don’t see when the Sox are in town. I barely make it to the gym because I’m so over tired from working 7 14+ days in a row.

Sure, it would be nice to have a hook up, but I just don’t have time to get ready for a first date and put in the effort for a new relationship.

So where does that leave me? Well, with Radio Guy, I don’t know. Hopefully we’ll be able to forget that he asked and move on and just be friends. Whatever. With Baby Bender? He stood me up on Sunday, so I’m slightly annoyed- but he’s moving in 2 weeks. I also think he has a girlfriend now, back home or at school. My gut is telling me this and my gut is usually right in these situations. Either way, he’s leaving anyway so there’s no point in lingering there. We’re at least still buds. Marky Mark– I should probably text him and see if he wants to hang out this weekend. It’s been awhile and it’s always a good time when he comes over.

For myself, I’m happy with how things are. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to share everything with, but that’s impossible for now. I don’t want to do the honeymoon period of the relationship- I want to skip to the real stuff, if I’m going to be doing anything right now. So for now, I’m single and that’s perfectly okay.



Besides, I can’t be having a boyfriend when guys like Alberto Callaspo are flirting with me at work. 😉

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Wow, okay, so here’s a rundown of what’s up

I am so sorry guys. Life has been out of control, more so than usual lately.

-First of all: Boston. I had been meaning to write a post about the city that I live in and love with every bit of my heart. I’ve always felt this way about Boston and now that I work at Fenway Park, it’s an even bigger love. When the bombings happened, I tried to put my feelings of my city into words, and just couldn’t figure it out. Eventually I’ll write that post.

Either way, the Marathon Bombings have created quite a stir, to say the least, in my life. To start, I was leaving Fenway when they happened, so I was pretty close it. That was scary enough. I ended up at home safe, but then ventured back out moments later to the bombing site to find a friend of mine who was stranded there and didn’t know where to go. Scary stuff.

Then there was the lovely manhunt that was basically in my backyard. I live RIGHT next to Watertown. Like seriously, that’s where I do most of my mall shopping. And the car hijacking was in Allston, where I DO live. So reading about all that and seeing everything on the news was frightening.

Then the worst bit (for me, anyway): these assholes trained at MY gym. Granted, they were never real members, but they did come in once in a while to train. As you can imagine, this has made mine and my teammates’ lives completely insane. The FBI has been all over the gym, but I think they’re done now. However, reporters have been ruthless. They camp out outside the gym and harass us as we go in to train. They’ve been going to our homes to try to interview us. My coaches have been all up on the news like crazy. It’ll all come to pass soon, but until then it’s just annoying. And no, I didn’t know the guys. I may, MAY, have seen the older (deceased) brother, but I can’t really be sure. We’re a small tight knit group, but there are a few people that come in and just train on their own. I’m sure that he’s been in when I have, but honestly, I don’t know.


-Secondly, happy stuff. Fenway Park is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AMAZING. Every day that I get to go into work, I fall in love all over again. I just can’t put it into words. I’m currently in the middle of switching domains for my Red Sox blog, so I’ll get it to you when I get it all set up.

-Lastly, my dating life has been meh lately. It’s okay. April was a crazy month and I knew it would be that way. Now that it’s May, things are a little calmer, so we’ll see what happens. Baby Bender and I still hang out and make out. The Baseball Player was texting me about getting together soon. And Marky Mark are making plans for the weekend. As for new guys, I just don’t really feel all that motivated to find someone and I’m also just not inspired at all.


Every Bunny loves a good Bar Hop

So I am a HUGE fan of anything that allows me to dress in costume. It’s why I do Santacon every year. So when I discovered, through my Santacon friends, that Boston has an Easter Bunny pub crawl, I was over the moon. Last year, I couldn’t attend, but this year I made the Boston Bunny Bar Hop a priority. I invited Baby Bender to come along with my group of friends, since I know how he feels about costumes and pub crawls- the exact way I feel about them. He was just as excited as I was and met up with my roommate and me at the first stop.

Basically, we went through the whole night with bunny ears and glow sticks, hitting up the list of Bunny Approved bars in Cambridge. I had put together this really awesomely adorable/hot (go figure how that worked) outfit for my black and pink bunny costume. I got a lot of comments over my mini skirt and how my ass looked (seriously, I had never received so many compliments over my ass from so many strangers, it was a really weird feeling). I even got propositioned for a threesome with this couple. Baby Bender had a field day watching me deal with that.

So we were all pretty drunk and decided to grab Chinese food afterwards. Baby Bender and I had not been physical at all that night, aside from sitting close to each other on the couch at one bar. At the restaurant, we got a little cuddly, but nothing out of my usual nature.

Baby Bender lives downtown, whereas I live in the hipstery college neighborhoods. We were close to my house, which means far from his, so my roommate slyly asked him if he planned on staying with us. He looked at me and asked if he was and I told him he could if he wanted to.

He came home with us.

I didn’t know what his thoughts were, so I thought I’d let him do whatever he wanted really. We have an extra bed that he could have slept in, or he could stay with me of course. He followed me into my room and just stripped down and got into bed. I shrugged and changed my clothes and got into bed with him. He pulled me up to him and we just cuddled.

We stayed up talking and laughing for a few hours, when I jumped out of bed to check my bass guitar for something. When I got back into bed, he pulled me on top of him and I was a little conflicted. I knew we couldn’t have sex, thanks to my little problem, but I didn’t want to get into that whole thing with him that night. I didn’t want to tease him or lead him on, so I just kind of snuggled to him and kissed his cheek. I crawled off of him and kept cuddling with him. We started kissing, which led to a little fooling around. I told him we couldn’t have sex and he responded “Yea, that’s cool. I can still be horny and want you though, right?” I laughed and told him of course, and we just kept making out and getting all handsy. He was little shocked when he discovered my nipple piercings, because oh yea, did I tell you that my nipples were pierced? Basically that’s how that happened, haha. Anyway, nothing really escalated, and we just fell asleep afterwards.

After sleeping all day, I got up and my roommate and I decided we wanted to cook breakfast. I told him that we were going to the store and he could just stay and sleep if he wanted to. He ended up coming with us and the three of us had this cute little day of doing nothing at all at my apartment with an awesome breakfast. He ended up leaving around 4 that afternoon.

We text each other quite a bit, all innocent. Mostly about baseball, hockey, and boxing. Like I said a million times, I don’t care if nothing pans out with him. Honestly,  I don’t expect anything to. I just love being around him. He’s hilarious and a blast to be around. If all we do is get beers, watch hockey games, and make out every now and then- I’m more than okay with that.

I have this really awesome picture of the two of us from the bar hop. I wish I could post it, because it’s hilarious. Maybe one of these days.