Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating


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And finally, Lady J lands a boyfriend.

Well hello there dear readers. I’m sorry for the long absences, but I do come bearing great news! I have just recently started dating a really wonderful dude and things are going really well. Since things are legit, I don’t want to give all the details, but I will give you some of the story.

He and I met last April during the first homestand for the Red Sox. He works at the Park with me, in another department. We met through some mutual friends. Turns out we had a lot in common, so we became friends. He’s a musician (in a touring band, which is neat) who went to a certain special music school in New England. He’s absolutely hilarious and outgoing. He also loves baseball just as much as I do. His biggest downfall is pretty major though.

He’s a Yankees fan.

There’s a lot of playful banter between us, mostly because we’re silly, but also with our baseball loyalties. None of it is personal, which is good.

After spending a lot of time with him at work and hanging out with him a few times outside, I started thinking he might be into me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it and since I didn’t want to be in any weird situations, I tried to avoid anything of the sort. I always played off that I was seeing multiple guys on the side. I never made any advances. However, I also didn’t want to be so self centered that I thought a guy was into me just because he was friendly and nice. I went back and forth with this. At one point, when I was pining over Mr. Baseball, my roommate had told me that she thought that I was going to end up with the Yankee Fan. We talked all the time, obsessively snap-chatted each other, and hung out frequently, but no moves were made.

It wasn’t until after the World Series that he and I spent more time together. I went to see his band perform and finally got to see him doing his thing. Honestly, that’s one of my favorite things to do- see people do whatever it is that they’re passionate about. Being a musician, I appreciated our long and in depth talks about music, so seeing him perform was just really great, for lack of better words. It made me see him a little differently, but at the time, I didn’t know it.

The next day was Santacon, which is my favorite pub crawl of the year. He had mentioned that he would try to meet up with me and my friends later in the day. We were texting back and forth and he finally admitted he was too tired to come out. I gave him a little crap for it and moved on. However, the following few days, I realized that I was actually really upset that he didn’t come out. I really wanted him to be with us while we partied and I was actually sad that he didn’t show up. I wasn’t sure what that meant, so I tossed the feelings aside.

Moving along, I had a Christmas party at a friend’s house the following weekend. It was in the Yankee Fan’s neighborhood, and since I had kind of wanted someone (mainly him) to come with me, I invited him. He was interested, but said he’d get back to me since he was going to see his friends perform at some club. Later, he decided that he would go with me to the party and then just duck out early for the show, which didn’t start until 11:30 or so anyway. We met up at the train that night and walked together, in a blizzard, to the party. We ended up kind of sticking to ourselves, without being completely anti social, and totally looked like a couple. In my head, I pretended that we were to see how it felt. I didn’t hate it and decided that I was open to see what would happen. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to the show downtown, and I went with him.

Long story short, we got drunk at the club with his friends and roommates and then went back to his apartment. Everyone, aside from myself, was too drunk to get home, so I navigated the taxis to the Yankees Fan’s house. His roommate (also my friend) begged me to stay over, saying I could sleep anywhere and we’d all get breakfast in the morning. What ended up happening was the roommate falling asleep on one couch, while the Yankee Fan and I fell asleep on each other on the love seat.

In the morning, he woke up and said he was going to move to his bed and said I could come with him if I wanted. I followed him and we ended up just cuddling all morning. We started getting handsy, though not pervy, and he asked me if that was me trying to say I wanted to fool around. I said no and we both stopped. However, our faces were so close that I just wanted to kiss him and see what would happen. I could tell he seemed a little rejected from not wanting to hook up, so I knew he wasn’t going to make the move. I got over my nerves and kissed him and it turned into this big magical makeout session.

Fast forward to now: We’ve hung out several times in the past month including my gym’s Christmas party, sleepover at my house, going shopping for Christmas presents for his family, seeing Frozen together, a week of long distance snap chats during the holidays, a hilarious and drunken New Years Eve (where we ended up just making out the entire night), and some hockey games at Fenway. We’ve had a few sleepovers, but no sex yet, since he’s still a little nervous about the whole thing.

However, we did have the talk and he is officially 100% my boyfriend and nothing could be better. He’s very sweet (he likes to cook me dinner) and hilarious (all we do is laugh). He’s friends with my friends and I’m friends with his. He doesn’t want to rush things. He’s too awkward to be playing me. He’s a few years younger (Cougar Status!). He’s just a really awesome guy and I’m really, very happy right now.


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Well no one expected THIS reaction

So lately, I’ve been just minding my own business. I just go to my day job in the morning and then in the evening I go to Fenway. I’ve been networking and making new friends and just loving how life is right now. I log onto OKCupid, just to check messages and to see if someone interesting is looking at my profile. Everything has been peachy and smooth and I’m happy with how everything is for now.

And then a friend of mine at Fenway (not a co-worker, but he works there on some game days. We’ll call him Radio Guy) decided to ask me out to the movies. Most people are flattered when they’re asked out, right?

Nope, not me. I went ballistic. Not on Radio Guy- I played it cool, saying that my friend was moving soon and I was trying to make sure we hung out before he left, so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hang out. But I lost my mind when I got that message and it really threw me off. Then I vented about it to my friends and just wow- I really just don’t want to date right now and I guess I didn’t realize that till now.

First of all, I was just angry because he and I are friends. I go visit him and the girl that works with him during games because we’re friends. We talk about geeky things and goof off. Then he has to try to go and push it one step further. I’m sorry, I know you guys hate the Friend Zone, but holy crap sometimes you need to just respect it. I don’t know. I’m just….GAHHH. Now everything will probably be weird, because I’m definitely totally 100% not interested in dating him as it is (we’re friends, that’s that), but I just feel that we’re not on the same level now.

Secondly, am I really that content with being this super single right now? I guess so. I mean, I don’t have a lot of spare time. The nights that the Red Sox are on the road, I’m usually catching up on laundry, going grocery shopping, doing mad amounts of cooking, and catching up with my friends who I don’t see when the Sox are in town. I barely make it to the gym because I’m so over tired from working 7 14+ days in a row.

Sure, it would be nice to have a hook up, but I just don’t have time to get ready for a first date and put in the effort for a new relationship.

So where does that leave me? Well, with Radio Guy, I don’t know. Hopefully we’ll be able to forget that he asked and move on and just be friends. Whatever. With Baby Bender? He stood me up on Sunday, so I’m slightly annoyed- but he’s moving in 2 weeks. I also think he has a girlfriend now, back home or at school. My gut is telling me this and my gut is usually right in these situations. Either way, he’s leaving anyway so there’s no point in lingering there. We’re at least still buds. Marky Mark– I should probably text him and see if he wants to hang out this weekend. It’s been awhile and it’s always a good time when he comes over.

For myself, I’m happy with how things are. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to share everything with, but that’s impossible for now. I don’t want to do the honeymoon period of the relationship- I want to skip to the real stuff, if I’m going to be doing anything right now. So for now, I’m single and that’s perfectly okay.

single

 

Besides, I can’t be having a boyfriend when guys like Alberto Callaspo are flirting with me at work. 😉


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Debating the next move

Alright, so Mini Marky Mark and I had a great date the weekend before New Years. He braved the snow storm to come over for the night. We had talked about him watching The Departed since it is my favorite movie and he had never seen it. He knows my love of Mark Wahlberg (but I haven’t told him that I think they look alike, haha). So he came over, we snuggled and caught up while we watched the movie and had a nice little sleepover.

He ended up not going to our friends’ New Years party, but that’s alright. He texted me at midnight, which was pretty cute.

So on Wednesday I texted him to ask if he wanted to see the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie over the weekend, since we talked about going to see it before. He said he wouldn’t be around, that he was going on a mini vacation from Friday-Thursday, but that we could maybe see it the following weekend. Aka- this weekend.

Now I’m at the point of the relationship where I’m lost. I haven’t heard from him since that last text- I didn’t want to bug him during his vacation (I don’t even know where he is, I’m assuming snowboarding somewhere) and we still aren’t at the level where we just have pointless conversations through texts, which is okay by me.

Now, it’s Tuesday. I’m assuming he’s still on his vacation, but I have no idea what I should do. Should I wait for him to call me? Should I send him a “hope you’re having a good vacation!” text tonight/tomorrow? Should I wait until Friday?

I’m actually starting to panic about our “relationship’. Well, not panic, but worry more than I was worrying about it. I really dig this guy. I know, I’ve dug a lot of other guys, too, but this guy and I are really clicking. I know I shouldn’t push our status yet, but when should I do that? Should I bring up the exclusivity chat, or just ask what his deal is?

Gahd, I don’t know what to do.


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The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 1

Alright, so I should finally discuss the Not-Boyfriend. He came in and out of my life a few times in the first year that I was living in Boston, so I’ll make him into a few separate posts to keep the story as simple as possible.

How it started: I found out that I was moving to Boston 2 weeks before I actually made the move. A friend of mine was excited for me (since it was my dream) and told me that I better change my location on OKCupid. I did so, and voila! There were so many new potential guys for me! While surfing through the guys, I stumbled across the Not-Boyfriend. I thought he was attractive (very actually) and seemed fun. His profile was very witty and intelligent sounding. He mentioned where he went to school (a very prestigious Institute of Technology…) and that he was Mexican and from Texas. He was a fellow Greek, as well and fit most of my requirements on my Smoosh Requirements list. He seemed like an okay enough guy, so I threw him a message. His response to my message was great. He was funny and kept the conversation going, which was awesome. I told him I’d be moving down on the following Sunday. He said that he’d like to take me out on that Wednesday, if I was up for it. I agreed and we decided that we’d figure out the exact location once the day got closer.

Well, I moved to Boston and on the morning of our date, I somehow managed to pull a muscle in my neck. Now when I say I pulled a muscle, I don’t know if you can grasp how bad this was. I don’t think I’ve ever been in so much pain. It started as a stiff neck, but around 10 am, it was completely spazzing and throbbing. You could see it move, it was so bad. I was in tears and thought I was going to die. We were chatting a little and I told him that I’d try to make our date, but I wasn’t sure. Luckily, my bosses let me go home early (pure luck- they didn’t know I was injured) and I was able to go home and try to relax it some. Neck pain is fairly normal for me since I have a form of thoracic outlet syndrome from having two extra ribs in my neck (yea, I’m a mutant), so I had some tricks up my sleeve to relieve it.

After a hot shower, hot and cold packs, and a ton of ibuprofen and tylenol, I was feeling at least stable enough to go out. Plus, I knew having a drink would also help relax my muscles (it’s true!), and I didn’t want to cancel this date, so I somehow made it there. My roommate and her boyfriend at the time gave me a ride, which was nice.

So I waited outside the bar for him to show up. He rolled up on his bicycle (which later I found out he’s a big bike snob, like most people in Boston) and introduced himself, but with his English name. He then said his name in Spanish and when I asked which he preferred, he said either. I decided I liked the Spanish version better, which I told him later on.

Our date was FANTASTIC. Neither of us are big beer drinkers, yet we were at this bar that’s famous for having like 100 beers on tap. I ended up drinking some ciders and he ordered a mead sampler. He was absolutely gorgeous and just as nerdy and fun as me. We talked about being from the ‘south’ (he’s from Texas, and I’m originally from Oklahoma so there’s that…) and I explained my love of the Red Sox to him. He asked about my neck, and I told him I was feeling alright, but that it was still pretty stiff.

We ended our date after a few hours and had this “movie moment” (we had SO MANY OF THESE. It’s not even funny). He asked me for a kiss on the cheek, and then I told him that I had to have one back if I gave him one. He obliged and then I found a stray eyelash on his cheek. I took it off for him and he’s like “Oh I’ve gotta make a wish…we’ll see if that comes true later”. So cheesy, but I promise that was the only cheesy thing he did that night.

A few days later, my friend through a party at his apartment and I invited him along with us. He met up with me at my apartment and we hung out with my roommate while we waited for her boyfriend. The four of us grabbed our beers and headed off to this party. He had this super nice apartment with an awesome view from his roof deck of the city skyline. After a few drinks, the Not-Boyfriend and I jumped over the fence of the roof deck to sit on the edge of the building. We sat in this nook and had our first kiss, which was our second movie moment. It was pretty awesome and magical and all that and I was super happy. He came back to my apartment for a little bit and we made out, but nothing more (mostly because I didn’t really live at the apartment yet- I was sleeping on a cot in my friend’s room until people moved out). I did tell him about the H issue, and he seemed a little concerned, but didn’t say or ask anything else.

The next day was super rainy and he texted me that I should come over and stay in bed with him. I did and of course we had sex. I spent most of the afternoon/evening there, and then went home, thinking that things were pretty awesome.

He wasn’t super cheesy. He wasn’t misogynistic. He decided to have sex with me, so he must have been okay with the whole H thing. He seemed very interested in me and I could tell he wasn’t a player. Things were good.

 

Until I tried to schedule the next date, which is when I got this email:

 

So, I did a little homework, and I found that it is possible to get H from a partner even if a condom is used.  I couldn’t find anything saying how likely it is (like, one chance in a hundred, a thousand, a million…) but any chance at all is too much……
I don’t blame you at all, you were open and up front with me and I appreciate that, maybe I should have asked more questions.  If anything I feel bad for you, this really isn’t fair to you.  And I’m pretty bummed myself, you seem really cool and of course sexy and the sex was AMAZING.  But we just can’t have a sexual relationship if there is a chance it could affect me for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry.  We can still be friends if you’d like.
So that was heartbreaking. I didn’t hate him for it, because it was totally understandable. It just killed me and I became super depressed from it for a short period. I sent an email back, telling him that it was okay and that I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to mislead him if I did. I told him that maybe someday we could be friends, but it was just impossible to be friends at that time.
So yea, that Round 1 of the Not-Boyfriend.


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More on The Over-Sexter

Alright, so if you haven’t, read about The Over-Sexter. Then go over to Singleosophy and read In Re: The Over-Sexter.

If you’ve done so, then this post will make sense. Otherwise, you’ll be confused.

Alright, so first of all, I love online dating. I like the idea of being able to weed out people before I even meet them, like The Over-Sexter. Or The Annoyance. Sometimes I go against my better judgement and take a chance, like The Baseball Date. Now, while I haven’t met anyone who I’ll spend forever with, I have found some good friends, like The Swede and even people that I didn’t mind spending time with for a while, like The Not-Boyfriend and Jeff Goldblum Boyfriend. I think it’s a lot of fun and love using it. Maybe it’ll work for real someday, maybe it won’t. Either way, I’m not that great at walking up to a guy somewhere and giving them my number, so for now, online dating works for me.

When I decided to sext back to The Over-Sexter, I went at him hard. I can make Christian Grey blush with some of the things I wrote (not that I’ve read 50 Shades of Grey, I just know the overall idea of the book. More on that another time). I’d show you exactly, but I’m a little embarassed to post those messages since I know some of my readers personally. Now, I knew that I probably wouldn’t scare him away, literally, but I was hoping to make him think twice about meeting up with me.
I was still going to meet up with him. Well, I was planning, to. I got hurt at the gym that night, but was still going to push through and go out. However, he said he was too scared to meet up with me, since he had admitted to jerking off at work because of my texts. I told him that awkward was fine and that we could still grab a drink and it would be chill. He was too nervous though. This leads me to believe that he went to a very prestigious institute of technology in Massachusetts. Not that that’s a bad thing, but I’m 0-3 when it comes to dudes from there, so I have a hard time thinking anyone male from that university is social adept.

Didn’t stop this part of the conversation from happening, though.

When he asked for another picture, I replied with this:

Sorry, Rainbow Dash is one of my personal heroes….seriously.

I agree with Grant- texting is a lame form of communication. I don’t mind using it with friends or when I’m seriously dating someone to send quick messages back and forth. However, I HATE long conversations through text. I really just don’t like typing with my thumbs, is what it comes down to.

I really hate too much conversation before a date. Leave something for us to talk about, c’mon! I don’t mind some brief conversations (mostly though email/OKCupid messasing) beforehand, but not long text conversations. I will be touching on that more soon when I write my continuation post about The Engineer.


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The Engineer

I saw no point in crying over JGB, so I jumped back on the horse and went on a date. Actually, before I went on this date that I’m about to mention, I went out with another guy that was SO boring, he’s not even worth a blog post. Sad. Anyway, moving on!

So on Wednesday, I sort of already had plans to go out to the bar with guys from the gym (including #SecretCrush since he’s finally back!), since our Jiu Jitsu instructor got his green card. However, I didn’t have any details and was procrastinating a little when I saw The Engineer’s OKCupid profile. He was pretty hot and seemed interesting enough, and I love engineers (see: Love of my Life) I clicked to meet him and he clicked back. We started flirting fairly aggressively right away, but not….bad. I don’t know how to explain it. Basically, we’re both cocky and it was just fun. We were going to meet up when my friends texted me with details, so I asked if I could raincheck for Friday night. He said it was fine. I gave him my number and went out with the guys.

He texted me on Thursday, throughout the day, mostly flirting. We talked about sex a little, which made me nervous since I feel that that never ends well. I asked him what he was looking for and adorably he said “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I’m actually looking for something serious, but I’m not going to jump into anything either.” I said that I was looking for the same. He also told me that he actually doesn’t like hook up sex, and that he finds it disappointing. Now, he could have been just saying those things, but I like to think that he means them.

He texted me Friday morning and we texted on and off throughout the day. I wasn’t sure if he was still going to come out (things got a little iffy for a bit), but he did come out! He came over to my apartment, since I have parking spaces nearby, and asked if he could change clothes in my apartment (he came straight from work). I let him in and my roommates were impressed with his looks and manners. I’m serious, this guy is hot.

We settled on going to my favorite restaurant/bar, since it was storming and the place was nearby. Usually I don’t really drink much on a first date, but I made an exception for this guy. I don’t really know how to explain how our “relationship” is. We hit it off so well right off the bat, so going out with him felt easy. He has a very dominant personality, but not in an “I’m an asshole” kind of way. Just slightly cocky. Enough to make him fun (for me). Conversation was fun, he teased me quite a bit, but I knew that he was going to. It was a fun date. We both had quite a few beers with our dinner, which he paid for, and then we walked back to my apartment.

We sat on the back of his car for a bit and then I offered for him to come upstairs to my porch, since it was nice out and he didn’t want to drive home right away. We sat on the couch for a bit, but it was so muggy out. I then asked if he just wanted to go inside to my air conditioning and we could just watch tv or something. He agreed and inside we went.

After sitting on the couch for awhile, he put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. We ended up cuddling for a little while…long while really, when he said “You know what I just realized? I haven’t kissed you yet.” I said “Nope, you haven’t.” and then he pulled me in for a small, light kiss. Very sweet. Line was a little cheesy, but I can be a sucker for that. We watched “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” for awhile while kissing every now and again.

Then suddenly, time flew by and I realized that we had fallen asleep on my couch, cuddling. Apparently my roommate had even come in and we had no idea, we were that passed out. We woke up, kissed some more, and then he decided that 3:30am was probably a good time to go home. So he left, leaving me with a last good night kiss and telling me that we’d make plans soon (but that he’d be busy this week since he’s moving, which I was already aware of).

So. There’s that. We’ll see where this one takes me.


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The end of Jeff Goldblum Boyfriend

So just as so many others before him, Jeff Goldblum Boyfriend has come and gone. Basically he pulled a disappearing act and when I called him out on it, he admitted he was a little intimidated by me (I had to drop my bomb on him, yay excess baggage) and didn’t know if he was ready for that level of commitment yet. Fair enough, but he could have said so when I asked him about it up front. We agreed to keep the door open slightly, and we’ll see what happens down the road.

Eventually I’m going to have to write a post to explain my actual dilemma when it comes to dating. I’m just a little nervous about doing so since people I know read this. I promise to update you all as soon as possible.