Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating


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The Therapist

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve jumped back into the BDSM world and have been more active with my FetLife account. Fetlife, first of all, is pretty great because it’s not an actual dating site. It’s really just a sort of social media networking site for a niche group. However, if you use it to meet people, all the better.

Anyway, I have a minimalist profile. I have a few photos, none of my face, but of my mouth and a little cleavage. Nothing too revealing, just sexy enough to get attention without showing off everything. My profile says that I’m interested in learning more and finding a Daddy-Dom type personality. I get messages from some real creeps sometimes, but lately I’ve had a couple that seemed interesting.

One was from a guy that I refer to as The Therapist. His profile was minimal, like mine, but we had a nice conversation on the site. He was born and raised in Dorchester (swoon!) and still lives there. He’s working on his Ph.D. and is a Daddy-Dom. He was very nice in his messaging and not creepy at all. After a few days of chatting, we decided to meet up for a drink.

I ended up being a little late, since I opted at last minute to be a hair model for one of my friends who’s in cosmetology school. He was totally cool with it, despite my over apologizing. He was slightly embarrassed for being over dressed (he was still wearing a suit from work), but he looked fine. Very cute.

We had a great discussion about psycho analysis and how the brain works. He works at a prison as a therapist and I found it extremely fascinating, since I majored in criminology. We chatted about that, Boston sports, and he tried to analyze me. He found me difficult to figure out, saying “nothing about you makes sense”, which he seemed to like. After a chatting for awhile about “vanilla subjects”, he turned and started asking me what I was looking for and telling me what he was looking for. We talked about Dom/Sub relationships and why each of us is the way we are. It seemed like we were pretty compatable and he wanted to see me again. We left the bar, he kissed me, and we went our separate ways.

Date 2 was a few days later. I went to his neighborhood in Dorchester (have I mentioned that I love this area of Boston?) and we grabbed a drink at this Irish (duh) pub. He was a little extra flirty, putting his arm on my chair to sort of tell the other guys at the bar that I was “his”, so to speak. He suggested we go to his apartment to “watch a movie or something”. I’m not stupid, I know what this means, but sure, why the hell not?

His apartment was pretty awesome. We settled on watching Major League in his room. We cuddled and we started to make out. After getting a little handsy, I stopped to tell him that we couldn’t have sex that night. He seemed perfectly okay with that and asked me if I wanted to stop altogether. I said no, but it just couldn’t go any further. He accepted that and we went on our way to fooling around. I can see where his dominance comes out, even if I could tell he was holding back. I asked if he wanted to stop, since I was basically just a big tease for him, and he said “No, I can handle this. If it’s too much, I’ll stop, but you made yourself clear and I don’t want to push you into anything”. Alright. After awhile, he drove me home, held my hand in the car, kissed me goodnight, and off I went.

Date 3 was two days later. He came over to my apartment after work. We settled on a movie in my room, where we proceeded to fool around again. Clothes started coming off and I stopped everything to drop my H Bomb on him. He looked a little stunned, I hate having to drop that news on someone during the act, but I had a hard time figuring it into conversation before things went down, and it had to come out sooner than later. He told me he didn’t know a lot about it and that he would like to do a little research. I told him to take his time, that I wasn’t trying to pressure him. I just wanted him to know so he could make his own informed decision. He asked if we could still fool around, that he wasn’t expecting us to have sex that night anyway, and I said yes. So the night still went pretty well, even if there’s a blip on the radar now.

He told me on his way out that the week would be really busy for him, which is understandable as he works full time and is a doctorate student. I told him that I would be fine, that I had a lot of things going on, too (playoffs, baby!), so not to worry about me.

We texted the next day, but I haven’t heard from him since. I’m not taking it personally yet, but if he wants to see me, he’ll message me. I like him, but I’m not overly attached to him. He’s a great guy who is super smart and sweet. I know our sex life would be a blast. However, I don’t really understand what he wants in our relationship anyway. I don’t know if he’s looking for a girlfriend who likes kink, or if he just wants someone to fuck around with. Either one works for me, but I’m not exactly sure yet, so I don’t mind that it’s a slow process for now. And it’s totally fine if he doesn’t want to sleep with me after the bomb I dropped on him. I know I wouldn’t really want to. So I guess for now, we’ll just see how this plays out.

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My personal history with BDSM

This is the first post of my BDSM series. It’s just a little history of my interest in BDSM. I hope you enjoy it and please, no judgement. I’m trying to give you all some details without going too far down the rabbit hole. This is not my best writing by far, but it’s at least a little bit about me. I’m also not claiming to be an expert or to be extremely experienced. 

My interest in BDSM started with two different guys. One, oddly enough, is the LomL. The other was a boy that I chatted with for years, but never ended up hooking up with despite both of us always wanting to. I’ll call him The Brit, since he’s from the UK.

Basically, all there is to The Brit is that he was a GORGEOUS soccer player at a college near my home town. We talked all the time. It turned into more of just sexting and it was ALWAYS super dirty. Raunchy. But tamer than what LomL had in store for me.

LomL brought me into his world of BDSM when he told me about his sex life with his ex girlfriend. At first, I was appalled when he told me he slapped her before a blow job. I remember thinking that I would never be into that. (However, back when he came to visit me, we engaged in such activities and it was fantastic.)

I honestly don’t know how that all changed. I really think that with enough alcohol and being horny enough, I let him talk me through it online or something. I just asked a lot of questions and he was honest with me.

Now for my own personal life, I had always been into rougher sex. I got bored if it was super slow or soft. I don’t know. I guess that has a time and place, and maybe it’s because I’ve never been “in love” with someone to experience the whole “making love” thing. I just always liked sex to be fast and hard. Spanking had been the next thing to be added to the mix. Then hair pulling. It started becoming part of the game with a couple guys I frequently hooked up with in college. They’d take control and push me against a wall when I was alone at a party (this would all be semi-pre-planned. They didn’t do this if I didn’t agree to meet up with them). They’d kiss me, pull onto my hair, and pull me into a room for our next activities. Add some nails, teeth, etc, of course.

In college, that was as far as I went. Then I dated this guy who requested that I call him by Daddy during sex. I tried it out and it wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. I don’t know, I guess I can separate “Daddy” from my actual Dad (I don’t ever refer to him as daddy anyway). Maybe I have daddy issues. Who knows. Anyway, I kinda liked calling him daddy while he took control in the bedroom.

It branched from there. I hooked up with a guy that I had been flirting with for a few weeks. I called him daddy and turns out he loved it as well. He had never been called that so, yay me.

As time went on, I ventured more into watching hardcore/rough sex porn. I had always wanted to try to be tied up and have no control over the situation (no, not a rape scenario. All consensual, obviously). I was getting more interested in the toys.

However, I have never been into the “crazier” things as I call them. Things like suspension and fisting. No thanks.

Anyway, I moved to Boston and reconnected with one of my high school friends. I quickly found out that he was into the BDSM/Fetish scene here and met a few of his friends. I admitted to him that I was interested in maybe attending some parties, but as an observer, since I had a lot to learn.

Then I ended up hanging out with The Chef. After our second time out, I ended up back at his place for some fooling around. He was the first boy to slap me. It wasn’t hard at all. I mean, it wasn’t soft either, but it didn’t hurt me. I don’t know how to explain it, but it turned me on more.

Soon after The Chef, I met The Baseball Player, who I often refer to as my first Dom. He has his own rules he wanted me to follow and I was thrilled to have the chance to please him. It was weird to feel that way, since that’s not how I normally am. However, he was so sexy and I just wanted to be with him so badly. And every time with him is absolutely amazing. His rules aren’t crazy. And honestly, if I don’t follow them, it’s not like anything happens for real. Basically, I’m not supposed to sleep with anyone but him (he stays monogamous, too, supposedly), I refer to him as Daddy when I’m with him, but call him by his name when I come. If I come when he’s not with me, I’m still supposed to call out his name. He is in total control when he’s with me and I do what he tells me to do.

So yes, in a way, he’s my very own Christian Grey, for all your 50 Shades fans. And I guess in some ways, I’m kind of an Ana, but in a much cooler way.

He punished me one time. I wasn’t allowed to come. That’s actually a pretty awful punishment when he’s around.

So, sometimes I think he reads my mind because he always appears out of nowhere. I hadn’t heard from him in the past year, so I figured he went and got a for real girlfriend. When I started reading 50 Shades about 2 weeks ago, I started remembering our time together and started to miss him. Even more than just sex-he was a fun guy to hang out with. We both enjoy baseball immensely and have a lot of other common interests. And he’s a pretty nice guy, even if he likes to control me from afar (sometimes he’ll text me with a mission- usually a dirty picture with a sign so he knows I did it right when he said he did).

Anyway, after reading the books, I shot in the dark and sent him a text message. I didn’t hear back, so I figured that was that. The next afternoon though, I got a text from him. This was last Friday. He said that he needed to see me that night. So we made it happen.

And we made up for lost time, that’s for sure. I have a box of costumes (mostly because I love ANYTHING that involves a costume) so I had put together a revealing school girl/naughty librarian outfit for him. He took control the second he walked into the door and it was amazing.

He had actually lived pretty far away from the city in the past year, explaining his absence. He know lives a few minutes away, so I’m hoping our little relationship will continue for a bit. I had mentioned to him before that I wouldn’t mind trying more hardcore things. He told me he can be “pretty brutal” and he doesn’t want to push me into it. I’m willing to at least try it. We’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I belong to an online social networking site called FetLife.com. I stay fairly anonymous on there, but I do talk to people with the intent to meet up with them. I keep things very “vanilla” to start. I have yet to hook up with anyone from the site, but who knows. Maybe some day. It’s just an interesting way to research other fetishes that I don’t know about and to talk to people that understand.

I guess the reason why I like BDSM and being a submissive in the bedroom is mostly due to my natural behavior. I’m very independent. I’m also a tomboy and am very strong willed. I’m usually in charge of most things. It’s fun to just NOT be in control for a little while. Someone just telling me what to do, it just feels good. Just for a little while. And the best part is that it benefits me, too. I mean, it’s not like it’s just for him to get off (unless I’m being punished). He wants me to feel good, too. It’s fun for both of us. And that’s what’s important in this lifestyle.

So yea, that’s my sort of history. I’m sure I’m missing a ton. I’m sure you may have some questions and comments. Have at it!


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Adventures in BDSM

Well, this post will probably make me somewhat popular.

 

Anyway, my roommate and long time friend has given me a sort of request for this blog. I’m pretty open and honest with her about my sex life, when we’re both gossiping anyway. So she knows that I’ve ventured into the BDSM world and is always very curious about it. I actually am good friends with quite a few people from “the scene” and it’s always great to answer her questions and show her that it’s an honest, fun time.

As interested in BDSM as I am, I actually abstained from reading 50 Shades of Grey for a long time. Not because it was horribly written (it’s fan-fic, it’s not supposed to be well-written), but because I knew that it was going to tell me nothing that I didn’t already know (why read it when I can live it?) and it would also just leave me wanting my old dom which would make me sad. Now that they’ve cast for the movie, I find myself slightly curious, mostly because I can’t figure out how they’re going to make it NOT be a porn. I decided that finally I would read the books. For free, online, of course. Not paying for those.

I’ve finished the first book and have already sat down with my friend and discussed some of my praises and concerns with the story. She gave me the idea that I kind of do a few themed posts on BDSM and the world around it.

I love the idea. 

 

Now, I’m not going to turn this blog into smut. I’m not going to give you all the erotic details (unless you want to chat privately, that is). I’m not going put up tutorials or images of porn. I’m just going to tell you people (who I’m assuming are on the more vanilla side of things) what it’s like to venture into BDSM and whatnot. I want to take the experiences that the characters in the book experience and tell you how it is like in real life, show you that we’re all just regular people, and that’s it’s an honest fun, sexy time. I promise to not make this trash.

 

All that being said, what do you think? Is there anything in particular you’d like me to talk about?