Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating


My personal history with BDSM

This is the first post of my BDSM series. It’s just a little history of my interest in BDSM. I hope you enjoy it and please, no judgement. I’m trying to give you all some details without going too far down the rabbit hole. This is not my best writing by far, but it’s at least a little bit about me. I’m also not claiming to be an expert or to be extremely experienced. 

My interest in BDSM started with two different guys. One, oddly enough, is the LomL. The other was a boy that I chatted with for years, but never ended up hooking up with despite both of us always wanting to. I’ll call him The Brit, since he’s from the UK.

Basically, all there is to The Brit is that he was a GORGEOUS soccer player at a college near my home town. We talked all the time. It turned into more of just sexting and it was ALWAYS super dirty. Raunchy. But tamer than what LomL had in store for me.

LomL brought me into his world of BDSM when he told me about his sex life with his ex girlfriend. At first, I was appalled when he told me he slapped her before a blow job. I remember thinking that I would never be into that. (However, back when he came to visit me, we engaged in such activities and it was fantastic.)

I honestly don’t know how that all changed. I really think that with enough alcohol and being horny enough, I let him talk me through it online or something. I just asked a lot of questions and he was honest with me.

Now for my own personal life, I had always been into rougher sex. I got bored if it was super slow or soft. I don’t know. I guess that has a time and place, and maybe it’s because I’ve never been “in love” with someone to experience the whole “making love” thing. I just always liked sex to be fast and hard. Spanking had been the next thing to be added to the mix. Then hair pulling. It started becoming part of the game with a couple guys I frequently hooked up with in college. They’d take control and push me against a wall when I was alone at a party (this would all be semi-pre-planned. They didn’t do this if I didn’t agree to meet up with them). They’d kiss me, pull onto my hair, and pull me into a room for our next activities. Add some nails, teeth, etc, of course.

In college, that was as far as I went. Then I dated this guy who requested that I call him by Daddy during sex. I tried it out and it wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. I don’t know, I guess I can separate “Daddy” from my actual Dad (I don’t ever refer to him as daddy anyway). Maybe I have daddy issues. Who knows. Anyway, I kinda liked calling him daddy while he took control in the bedroom.

It branched from there. I hooked up with a guy that I had been flirting with for a few weeks. I called him daddy and turns out he loved it as well. He had never been called that so, yay me.

As time went on, I ventured more into watching hardcore/rough sex porn. I had always wanted to try to be tied up and have no control over the situation (no, not a rape scenario. All consensual, obviously). I was getting more interested in the toys.

However, I have never been into the “crazier” things as I call them. Things like suspension and fisting. No thanks.

Anyway, I moved to Boston and reconnected with one of my high school friends. I quickly found out that he was into the BDSM/Fetish scene here and met a few of his friends. I admitted to him that I was interested in maybe attending some parties, but as an observer, since I had a lot to learn.

Then I ended up hanging out with The Chef. After our second time out, I ended up back at his place for some fooling around. He was the first boy to slap me. It wasn’t hard at all. I mean, it wasn’t soft either, but it didn’t hurt me. I don’t know how to explain it, but it turned me on more.

Soon after The Chef, I met The Baseball Player, who I often refer to as my first Dom. He has his own rules he wanted me to follow and I was thrilled to have the chance to please him. It was weird to feel that way, since that’s not how I normally am. However, he was so sexy and I just wanted to be with him so badly. And every time with him is absolutely amazing. His rules aren’t crazy. And honestly, if I don’t follow them, it’s not like anything happens for real. Basically, I’m not supposed to sleep with anyone but him (he stays monogamous, too, supposedly), I refer to him as Daddy when I’m with him, but call him by his name when I come. If I come when he’s not with me, I’m still supposed to call out his name. He is in total control when he’s with me and I do what he tells me to do.

So yes, in a way, he’s my very own Christian Grey, for all your 50 Shades fans. And I guess in some ways, I’m kind of an Ana, but in a much cooler way.

He punished me one time. I wasn’t allowed to come. That’s actually a pretty awful punishment when he’s around.

So, sometimes I think he reads my mind because he always appears out of nowhere. I hadn’t heard from him in the past year, so I figured he went and got a for real girlfriend. When I started reading 50 Shades about 2 weeks ago, I started remembering our time together and started to miss him. Even more than just sex-he was a fun guy to hang out with. We both enjoy baseball immensely and have a lot of other common interests. And he’s a pretty nice guy, even if he likes to control me from afar (sometimes he’ll text me with a mission- usually a dirty picture with a sign so he knows I did it right when he said he did).

Anyway, after reading the books, I shot in the dark and sent him a text message. I didn’t hear back, so I figured that was that. The next afternoon though, I got a text from him. This was last Friday. He said that he needed to see me that night. So we made it happen.

And we made up for lost time, that’s for sure. I have a box of costumes (mostly because I love ANYTHING that involves a costume) so I had put together a revealing school girl/naughty librarian outfit for him. He took control the second he walked into the door and it was amazing.

He had actually lived pretty far away from the city in the past year, explaining his absence. He know lives a few minutes away, so I’m hoping our little relationship will continue for a bit. I had mentioned to him before that I wouldn’t mind trying more hardcore things. He told me he can be “pretty brutal” and he doesn’t want to push me into it. I’m willing to at least try it. We’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I belong to an online social networking site called I stay fairly anonymous on there, but I do talk to people with the intent to meet up with them. I keep things very “vanilla” to start. I have yet to hook up with anyone from the site, but who knows. Maybe some day. It’s just an interesting way to research other fetishes that I don’t know about and to talk to people that understand.

I guess the reason why I like BDSM and being a submissive in the bedroom is mostly due to my natural behavior. I’m very independent. I’m also a tomboy and am very strong willed. I’m usually in charge of most things. It’s fun to just NOT be in control for a little while. Someone just telling me what to do, it just feels good. Just for a little while. And the best part is that it benefits me, too. I mean, it’s not like it’s just for him to get off (unless I’m being punished). He wants me to feel good, too. It’s fun for both of us. And that’s what’s important in this lifestyle.

So yea, that’s my sort of history. I’m sure I’m missing a ton. I’m sure you may have some questions and comments. Have at it!