Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 1


Alright, so I should finally discuss the Not-Boyfriend. He came in and out of my life a few times in the first year that I was living in Boston, so I’ll make him into a few separate posts to keep the story as simple as possible.

How it started: I found out that I was moving to Boston 2 weeks before I actually made the move. A friend of mine was excited for me (since it was my dream) and told me that I better change my location on OKCupid. I did so, and voila! There were so many new potential guys for me! While surfing through the guys, I stumbled across the Not-Boyfriend. I thought he was attractive (very actually) and seemed fun. His profile was very witty and intelligent sounding. He mentioned where he went to school (a very prestigious Institute of Technology…) and that he was Mexican and from Texas. He was a fellow Greek, as well and fit most of my requirements on my Smoosh Requirements list. He seemed like an okay enough guy, so I threw him a message. His response to my message was great. He was funny and kept the conversation going, which was awesome. I told him I’d be moving down on the following Sunday. He said that he’d like to take me out on that Wednesday, if I was up for it. I agreed and we decided that we’d figure out the exact location once the day got closer.

Well, I moved to Boston and on the morning of our date, I somehow managed to pull a muscle in my neck. Now when I say I pulled a muscle, I don’t know if you can grasp how bad this was. I don’t think I’ve ever been in so much pain. It started as a stiff neck, but around 10 am, it was completely spazzing and throbbing. You could see it move, it was so bad. I was in tears and thought I was going to die. We were chatting a little and I told him that I’d try to make our date, but I wasn’t sure. Luckily, my bosses let me go home early (pure luck- they didn’t know I was injured) and I was able to go home and try to relax it some. Neck pain is fairly normal for me since I have a form of thoracic outlet syndrome from having two extra ribs in my neck (yea, I’m a mutant), so I had some tricks up my sleeve to relieve it.

After a hot shower, hot and cold packs, and a ton of ibuprofen and tylenol, I was feeling at least stable enough to go out. Plus, I knew having a drink would also help relax my muscles (it’s true!), and I didn’t want to cancel this date, so I somehow made it there. My roommate and her boyfriend at the time gave me a ride, which was nice.

So I waited outside the bar for him to show up. He rolled up on his bicycle (which later I found out he’s a big bike snob, like most people in Boston) and introduced himself, but with his English name. He then said his name in Spanish and when I asked which he preferred, he said either. I decided I liked the Spanish version better, which I told him later on.

Our date was FANTASTIC. Neither of us are big beer drinkers, yet we were at this bar that’s famous for having like 100 beers on tap. I ended up drinking some ciders and he ordered a mead sampler. He was absolutely gorgeous and just as nerdy and fun as me. We talked about being from the ‘south’ (he’s from Texas, and I’m originally from Oklahoma so there’s that…) and I explained my love of the Red Sox to him. He asked about my neck, and I told him I was feeling alright, but that it was still pretty stiff.

We ended our date after a few hours and had this “movie moment” (we had SO MANY OF THESE. It’s not even funny). He asked me for a kiss on the cheek, and then I told him that I had to have one back if I gave him one. He obliged and then I found a stray eyelash on his cheek. I took it off for him and he’s like “Oh I’ve gotta make a wish…we’ll see if that comes true later”. So cheesy, but I promise that was the only cheesy thing he did that night.

A few days later, my friend through a party at his apartment and I invited him along with us. He met up with me at my apartment and we hung out with my roommate while we waited for her boyfriend. The four of us grabbed our beers and headed off to this party. He had this super nice apartment with an awesome view from his roof deck of the city skyline. After a few drinks, the Not-Boyfriend and I jumped over the fence of the roof deck to sit on the edge of the building. We sat in this nook and had our first kiss, which was our second movie moment. It was pretty awesome and magical and all that and I was super happy. He came back to my apartment for a little bit and we made out, but nothing more (mostly because I didn’t really live at the apartment yet- I was sleeping on a cot in my friend’s room until people moved out). I did tell him about the H issue, and he seemed a little concerned, but didn’t say or ask anything else.

The next day was super rainy and he texted me that I should come over and stay in bed with him. I did and of course we had sex. I spent most of the afternoon/evening there, and then went home, thinking that things were pretty awesome.

He wasn’t super cheesy. He wasn’t misogynistic. He decided to have sex with me, so he must have been okay with the whole H thing. He seemed very interested in me and I could tell he wasn’t a player. Things were good.


Until I tried to schedule the next date, which is when I got this email:


So, I did a little homework, and I found that it is possible to get H from a partner even if a condom is used.  I couldn’t find anything saying how likely it is (like, one chance in a hundred, a thousand, a million…) but any chance at all is too much……
I don’t blame you at all, you were open and up front with me and I appreciate that, maybe I should have asked more questions.  If anything I feel bad for you, this really isn’t fair to you.  And I’m pretty bummed myself, you seem really cool and of course sexy and the sex was AMAZING.  But we just can’t have a sexual relationship if there is a chance it could affect me for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry.  We can still be friends if you’d like.
So that was heartbreaking. I didn’t hate him for it, because it was totally understandable. It just killed me and I became super depressed from it for a short period. I sent an email back, telling him that it was okay and that I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to mislead him if I did. I told him that maybe someday we could be friends, but it was just impossible to be friends at that time.
So yea, that Round 1 of the Not-Boyfriend.

Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

5 thoughts on “The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 1

  1. Wow, there’s more to follow after this? I figured an email like that would have been the end of it.

  2. :-(. But I’m looking forward to read Vol. 2!

  3. Pingback: The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 2 « Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

  4. Pingback: The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 3 « Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s