Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

Meeting online vs real life

5 Comments

So since I’ve started seeing Mini Marky Mark , I’ve noticed an extreme change in myself in terms of how I’m approaching handling him as opposed to the other guys I’ve dated in the past year. I was thinking about it and trying to figure out why I’m more calm and laid back about this one particular guy, but with the other guys I wasn’t. Among several things, I think the main reason has to do with our initial introduction to each other in person, rather than online.

Now, I love online-dating for many reasons. Even though I’m outgoing, I don’t normally start up conversations with men while I’m out. When I do, I end up as a sister or BFF kind of character, not the potential partner character.

My biggest problems with dating in the past year has been with communication. I wrote a post on Singleosophy about guys I’ve dated being super interested and then just disappearing into tho air. I’ve also brought up the discussion of texting etiquette in dating (which warrants it’s own post), ie who should text who, how much is too much, and “wtf does that text mean”.

Many of you have stated that you don’t like texting in the early stages of relationships. I couldn’t understand any other option, since that’s how online dating works. You send messages back and forth and then you meet. Most likely, assuming the date goes well, you’re already in a semi comfortable “relationship” of texting and messaging, so it continues until the relationship takes a turn.

When it comes to meeting in real life instead (randomly meeting, mutual friend hookup, etc), you’re not at the level of “texting just for funsies” yet. Let’s take MMM (By the way, I love that that’s the abbreviation for him) for example. We met and exchanged numbers. After he dropped me off, he texted me to make sure I had his number, told me he was happy to meet me and then he said good night. Short, sweet, simple, to the point. A few days passed, I texted him to ask him out. He agreed, we set up a date, and had a little sports banter back and forth, but no long conversation through text. We went out again, he texted me when he got home to say he had a good time and good night. Over the holiday, We sent a few short messages (happy holiday, lets make plans for after break, welcome back, etc). A few days passed and last night we made plans for this Saturday (I have the BEST date about to happen, whether he likes it or not).

Okay that’s more messaging than I though, but it’s not NEAR the amount I’ve gotten from other guys. He doesn’t smother me in texts, he doesn’t try to sext (but he’s not completely dry either…), he responds in an appropriate amount of time (not immediately, but not too many hours later).

Even though he texts me far far less than the other guys, I don’t feel threatened, nervous, worried, or insecure. It’s great. I don’t feel the need to text him all the time (I’d like to, but I don’t feel compelled to see if he still wants to go out and stuff). Our conversations always have “a point” (no mindless chatting yet) and he’s clearly interested in me (the fact that he’s doing something on our date this Saturday that he has no interest in just to hang out with me kinda proves it). Things are peachy.

The other big difference in dating online and offline- competition. Sure MMM may be dating around, but I have no idea and no way to know. Because we met off line, I can almost sit comfortably. Obviously I’m not 100% comfortable, but what I mean is, I don’t have to worry about if he’s messaging other girls. He’s not popping up in my newsfeed that he updated his profile to better attract someone. He’s not uploading pictures to be more up to date.

For now, he’s just mine (I can almost assume that, right?).

Obviously- this is not always the case. Some guys are sleazy. But sometimes there are nice guys, too. And if I find a nice guy that doesn’t make me become that embarrassing insecure chick, then I’ll take it.

Sorry if this is a bunch of rambling bullshit. I don’t recommend blogging on a phone.

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Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

5 thoughts on “Meeting online vs real life

  1. Pingback: Why Us ? | Expendable Girls Waitnig for you.

  2. A little rambling never hurt anybody. And, it’s an interesting point. Have fun on your date!

  3. So trying okcupid today. Interesting. Thanks for the suggestion. I guess we will see where it takes me lol.

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