Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

My Smoosh Requirements


I had been meaning to write this post for sometime and then Ms. Leslie asked me about what I’m looking for in a guy. It’s a joke with my friends that I go for Mexicans, Jews, and engineers. So I’m going to expand on this a little. Especially since I have met someone INCREDIBLE who pretty much fits into this list exactly as is. If I’m to write about him later, I want you all to be able to see this list and then be like “Ooooohhhh okay, I get it” haha 🙂

Last summer, when I first moved to Boston, my roommate and I jokingly made a “Smoosh Requirements” list. I still have the list, since it’s hilarious and fairly accurate.

  • Into Tattoos- They don’t need to have tattoos (it is preferred), but they can’t hate tattoos. I have 5 as of right now, with the sketch from my artist for my quarter sleeve (which will eventually be a larger piece), and plans for several other tattoos. I once went out with someone who hated tattoos and thought they were tacky. He judged me and said that I’d regret them when I was old. Well, that’s my business. I don’t worry about your skin, so don’t worry about mine.
  • Frat Boy(esque)- I am a SUCKER for a Bro. I was in a sorority in college and being the tomboy that I am, I was practically an honorary brother at one house. I even lived there for a semester. I love Greek Life so much, even if I wasn’t the “perfect sorority girl”. This is similar to the tattoo thing- the guy doesn’t necessarily need to be a fraternity brother. However, don’t hate on Greek Life (since most of my friends are Greek). I guess I could also group this with athletes or anyone with a solid group of dude friends. I just really dig guys that have guy friends that they hang around. I think it’s great. I also just love hanging out with the guys, so I think it would be fun to be able to hang out with my boyfriend and the guys, every now and then. I also dig the loyalty among those groups. Does this make sense at all?
  • Can’t be super jealous- Hi. I’m a tomboy. I go to an MMA gym. I was in the Army. I have a LOT of guy friends. While I don’t mind a small amount of jealousy, you can’t be all super crazy about it. Jealousy is natural and I do kind of like the feeling of my guy thinking that other guys may want me. As long as there is solid trust, things should be good. I have never cheated and will never cheat- so trust me and we’ll be good.
  • Into sports- This is HUGE. My college boyfriend (who will have a post eventually, so you can all see where I’m coming from) was not into sports. JGB was not into sports. Why I ever thought there would be a lasting relationship is beyond me. You guys have no idea how big sports are with me. I’m nominated for Female Baseball Fan of the Year. I run a Red Sox blog. I spend all year talking about baseball and most of the summer at ball parks. In the winter, I go to Celtics games. I would be following hockey if they’d fix this stupid lockout. Sports are big with me. BIG. So my guy really needs to be into sports. I like sharing sports with people and if I can’t share that with my man, then it’s no fun.
  • Masculine- This is another big thing with me. Because I’m such a tomboy, I get nervous that guys think I’m too masculine. I mean, I wear a LOT of pink and glitter and I listen to boybands a lot. I’m very girly. But then my background comes up- the Army, Muay Thai, bass guitar, punk music, sports…..guys get nervous. I’m also not a little girl, either. If I feel more masculine than a guy, I can’t deal with it.
  • Family Oriented- I love my family. It would be great if he was super into his, too. Or at least willing to be into mine, at some point.
  • Musician/Into “Good Music”- I’m a musician. While it’s not mandatory that my man is too, it would be cool if he was. My college boyfriend listen to the worst music ever. It was almost embarrassing. Music is a big part of my life. Listen to some good music, please.
  • PABST BLUE RIBBON!- This is kind of a joke. I always tell people that “I’m a beer snob, in that I only drink Pasbst Blue Ribbon”. I’m just not into craft beers. I’ll try them, but usually I just stick to my good ol’ PBR tallboys. Also, I’m quite the hipster, so please don’t tease me about PBR. That’s all.
  • NO CATS (1 is okay)- This can go back to The Guy with the Cat. I don’t trust a man with a cat. 1 is allowed. Any more than that- nope.
  • Engineer please (wicked smaht)- Here’s my engineer obsession. It started as a joke, since the LomL is an engineer. I live in Boston, so most people here are engineers. I always regretted not going to school for engineering, since my brain is kind of wired that way. Also, I like smart guys. I think engineers are very smart. Also, I feel that engineering, even though they are nerds, is the less nerdy degree field. Makes it easier for there to be “Brogrammers” and “Bro-gineers”…which by the way, I ADORE.
  • FUNNY!- MUST BE FUNNY. You’d think this would be easy- I laugh a lot. I’m always laughing. I think the stupidest things are funny. It shouldn’t be hard to make me laugh. However, I also laugh a lot during awkward moments. So some guys think I’m laughing because they’re funny- they’re not. I just don’t know what else to do. My genuine laugh is hilarious so you’ll know if you actually got me to laugh. It’s not THAT hard, guys.
  • Workin’ Mans Hands- Nothing I hate worse than slimy soft hands. GAAAAAAAH, it made me shiver just writing that. I get the heebie jeebies from touching those hands. UGH.
  • Military supporter- duh. Don’t hate the troops. If you do, why are you with me to begin with? That’s a post about my post college boyfriend that I’ll write about someday haha.

When it comes to looks, I’m pretty easy going. I’m not that shallow. I do like more of the tall, dark, and handsome types. I think it’s because guys with blonde hair and blue eyes make me think of my brother so it’s creepy. I don’t know. My favorite though is dark hair and light eyes. SWOON!

Alright, so that’s pretty much my list. It’s not too bad, is it?



Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

5 thoughts on “My Smoosh Requirements

  1. I like this list and a lot of the stuff on here!!! I’m totally with you on a guy being very masculine; nothing is more unattractive than an effeminate man!! And I don’t trust guys with cats either…there’s just something so wrong about it!! As far as looks are concerned, I’m with you on the tall, dark, and handsome. While I’ve dated blondes in the past, I’m more partial to the dark featured men!! Oh and lastly, I love the name “Smoosh Requirements”!! 🙂

  2. Pingback: Baby Bender « Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

  3. Pingback: The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 1 « Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

  4. What is “good music” ?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s