Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

Mr. Eyebrows


I totally forgot about this dude. I don’t know how; probably blocked it out on purpose. He was completely insane.

Sadly, I don’t have his original messages and my blackberry is completely dead, so I can’t get his BBM’s for this post. I am digging through my facebook to find old posts from him and things I’ve said about him to the LomL.

So forgive me if this is all screwy.

It started off the usual way- on OKCupid.

He seemed cute enough, but he had these CATERPILLARS on his face. I’m talking like at LEAST an inch thick. I decided it wouldn’t be the end of the world, since that’s something that can be fixed, easily.

We chatted a little bit, but I still was not en route to Boston yet. He had gone to college in Maine, so he knew of my school and sort of the town I was living in at the time. He was getting ready for law school while I was getting ready to take the GRE (for no reason, haha, ugh).

He tried to talk me up when I was studying for the GRE, but kind of bragged about how well he did on it. It was annoying, but I shrugged it off. I didn’t have any commitment to him, and he was nice enough otherwise. He would joke about coming up to visit me, but luckily, that never happened. Then he started getting really awkward with his BBM’s.

Example: Here’s a post I left on LomL’s facebook wall about him:

So Mr Eyebrows just IM’d me to “confess” that he went on a date on Saturday, but she was the ugliest girl he’s ever seen or been with. He’s scared that he’ll got lost driving up here to visit me. When I said “it’s cool, we’re not dating, you can go on dates” he answers with “we are cyber dating”.

When he mentioned the “cyber dating”, I asked him “WTF does that even mean? How do you figure that one?” (Obviously, I didn’t feel the same way. How he didn’t know this, I’ll never know…). Here’s his response, that I left on LomL’s wall:

“for instance, the emoticons signal our emotions we’re emotionally connected via emoticons and we have each other’s digits. we’re def connected through technology”

I can’t make this stuff up. I “kept it going” at the request of the LomL, since he thought it was hilarious. I promise that I did my best to keep everything platonic. This guy was just too nuts to understand.

The beginning of last summer, I was coming to Boston basically every weekend for a job interview. He lives in East Boston. I was at a bar with two of my friends one night and my friends dared me to invite him out. I figured, why not, since I was with my friends who wouldn’t let him try anything (and it gave me an out if I needed it). I BBM’d him and invited him. He panicked so much. He messaged me a MILLION times, trying to figure out if he should drive and figure out parking, or take the T (which would have taken an hour and he’d have to leave early…unless I let him sleep over…no way), or get a friend to drive him. After the whole ordeal, I told him not to worry about it and we’d meet up another time.

I ended up moving down here at the end of the summer last year. He got all upset because some guy was talking about baseball with me and clearly that meant that the guy only wanted to get in my pants (his words).

Then one time, I posted a status on facebook about an email from J-Date being in my spam folder. My friends always tease me about crushing on Jewish boys, so I made a joke along the lines of “WHY WOULD THAT GO TO SPAM?!” While a bunch of my friends commented about me joining and such. Well, Mr. Eyebrows is apparently Jewish and was MAJORLY offended. I just spent a good half hour looking for that post, but I can’t find it. Which sucks because it was PRICELESS. If I find it, I’ll make sure to post it.

Basically, he yelled at all my friends, calling them names and such. It was bad. So so bad.

Then I told him that we had to have a chat. I told him that I was not interested in meeting him and that he was just way too much. I told him that he needed to chill out and relax. He didn’t take it very well and yelled at me, but whatever.

Either way, we never met, I’m glad we didn’t. I’m tempted to post a picture of his eyes, just so you can see his eyebrows.



Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

5 thoughts on “Mr. Eyebrows

  1. I’m imagining a young Eugene Levy.

    Anyway, this post is wild. For my own perverse enjoyment/entertainment, I wish you had more of his messages/posts but I get the gist. This is super socially awkward/uncalibrated/unacceptable behavior, but it’s probably fixable for him if he were to just change his outlook and work on himself a bit. He should read Singleosophy.

  2. Yah! Eyebrows was my vote!
    Emoticons, really? I must be cyber dating about 6 guys 🙂

  3. Please, please, please post a picture of his eyes!! I’m dying to see just how bushy those eyebrows are!!! =) This guy sounds like a looney, makes me wonder if guys that act this way are like that with every girl they talk to!!!

  4. Pingback: Oh, here are those eyebrows « Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

  5. Pingback: Conversations with Mr. Eyebrows « Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

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