So this post is a long time coming and I’m still freaking out about actually posting it. I thought about password protecting it and have you all request the password from me so I’d “know” who was reading, but what the hell…I’ll just get on with it.
I joke with everyone that I’m undateable. Keep in mind that I’m not willing to change any of these things about me for any guy, so I’m fine with being alone if that means I get to be happy being me. I’m not whining about being single.
It’s not that I’m picky, it’s that I’m so eclectic that it’s hard to find someone to match me. I live for sports, but am a band nerd. I enjoy math and English and science. I love all types of music and movies. It’s hard to find someone that is as well rounded as me, that I’m attracted to.
I’m quite dorky, but I think most people find it charming.
Also, I guess I’m quite intimidating, which seems to turn off a lot of guys:
- I spent 7 years in the Army after doing basic training twice. Yes, twice. Hoo-friggin-ah. No, not really. I got hurt and had to stay longer. Woo. Anyway, I learned in the Army that I really like shooting things. So I have a lot of targets hanging around from awesome shooting days.
- As I’ve mentioned before, I am learning Muay Thai. If you didn’t read that post, Muay Thai is Thai boxing. It’s pretty bad ass, I won’t lie. Basically, if you’re seen a UFC or MMA fight, you’ve seen some Muay Thai action. An actual Muay Thai fight is different, but the moves are used in Mixed Martial Arts frequently. I’ve been learning since February
- I am a huge sports nerd. Mostly baseball, more specifically, the Red Sox. I can out talk most guys I meet when it comes to sports. However, this love of sports has friend zoned me quite a bit. I end up being the little sister in a group of guys usually, which is okay mostly.
And for the bombshell. I know that you guys have been waiting for this for awhile, but as soon as you read it, you’ll understand why I’ve been keeping it to myself. I’ve been debating writing about it and not writing about it, but it keeps coming up in every relationship I’ve had while here in Boston, so I need to just come out with it.
For those of you that read this that know me in person, I hope you’ll keep it to yourselves. However, I realize that it almost doesn’t matter anymore if people know. I’m out of college and have been for some time. Most of the people that I wouldn’t want to know about this aren’t in my life anymore anyway. So here it goes:
In 2007-2008, I dated this guy while he was in Iraq. Well, mostly, I held out for him while anxiously awaiting his return so that we could move our relationship along. He came back and after seeing him a few times (and realizing that this was going nowhere), I found myself in and out of the hospital for a week around March-April. I was in the absolute WORST pain of my life. Turns out, my super awesome hot sort of boyfriend was not so super awesome. He had given me genital herpes and I was in the middle of my initial outbreak.
Yay, awesome, right? When I called to tell him, he yelled at me, accusing me of sleeping around while he was in Iraq, calling me a bunch of different names. Way to be a hero, champ. (Best part is that 6-7 months later, he messaged me to tell me about his son being born. Who cheated on who now?)
So yea. There it is. I have HSV-2, or Genital Herpes Simplex Virus.
What does this mean? Well, to be honest, it really isn’t the end of the world. It’s insane how many people have it. Even more insane is how many people have it and don’t know and are constantly giving it to other people. THIS is what frustrates me.
I could probably write a whole post on HSV myths and statistics.
- You can’t really get tested for it.
- It’s obviously contagious during an outbreak, but can also be contagious when you’re not showing symptoms (which is the scary part). It’s very rare to spread it that way though.
- Outbreaks are triggered by stress usually (it’s a virus that lies dormant in your nervous system).
- I’ve only had one outbreak in almost 5 years, which was the initial outbreak. This decreases my chances of spreading it to anyone and also decreases my chances of having another outbreak.
- I’ve read several different factoids lately, changing the percentage of people that have it. Some sites say 1 in 6 people, some say 1 in 4. I read a stat recently that said 80% of sexually active people over the age of 12 have it. In any case, a LOT of people have it.
- Most people who have it don’t even know it. You can have it for years with out ever showing symptoms.
- There’s no 100% way to ensure you don’t spread it. Condoms help, but they’re not 100%.
- There are medications to help suppress symptoms and to make it even less contagious, but they are expensive and usually not covered by insurance
- It’s actually easier to catch it from someone that “doesn’t” have it than it is to catch it from someone who is diagnosed with it. Mostly because the person who doesn’t think they have it doesn’t know what to look for or what to do with it. I’m constantly checking myself and am aware of my entire body and stress levels. I’m ultra-careful.
So this is why my dating life is so complicated, aside from the other freak shows that I meet. I have to time the conversation with each guy just right. Can’t mention it on a first date- it’ll scare them off. Can’t mention it too late- then I’ve manipulated them. I’m careful to tell each guy I’m about to get physical with so they can make an informed decision, but sometimes that doesn’t even work.
So now that you know, you probably understand the issues I’ve had with some of these guys, like the Not-Boyfriend and Jeff Goldblum Boyfriend.
Is there anything else you’d like to know about it? I’m willing to write a whole separate post, if you’re interested.