Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

The Gender Fluid Guy


I received a few comments about this guy, so I shall write about him first.

We never did get to end up meeting, and it’s an older story, so I’ll try hard to remember everything.

So basically, last summer, I was living in Maine still. I was trying to move to Boston and finally was hired at my current place of employment. I changed my location on OKCupid right away. I stumbled across this guy who seemed pretty legit. We had some similar interests and he seemed good looking enough. We messaged each other and I explained that I was moving down in 2 weeks. He and I started chatting on instant messenger, since neither of us like sending emails back and forth.

During the course of the two weeks before my move, I discovered that he describes himself as “gender fluid”. I have NO idea what this means. He ended up having it in his profile and I just now went to it and checked it again. It’s still there and this is what he has to say about it:

I identify as GenderFluid (possibly GenderQueer) with a fluctuating sexuality. If you just said “huh?!” it’s totally understandable. Basically, I don’t always identify as a straight dude. No I’m not bi, and no I don’t plan on getting a sex change. Just know that it makes for an interesting gamut of experiences. If you’d like to know more, feel free to ask, but this is something newly discovered for me so I may not be able to provide you with the most fulfilling answers.

Did that make sense to you? It doesn’t to me. I try to be very open minded about people who have different lifestyles than me, but sometimes I’m just too naive. I really don’t understand what Gender Fluid means, or if I can even handle someone who describes themselves that way. I’m a very straight girl and am attracted to very straight men. I don’t know that I would be attracted to someone who identifies differently, but I guess I’ll never know until I meet someone and it happens. 

I did ask him a little bit about it, and he basically just said that same thing to me as he said in his profile. I figured that when we met up, we’d discuss it more.

I moved to Boston on a Sunday and we decided to meet up on Tuesday evening. Yea, I didn’t waste any time when I moved down here. Anyway, we decided to meet at Boston Common and were just going to walk around the park and grab coffee and what not. I thought it sounded nice and simple.

Until it was Tuesday afternoon and it started POURING. I made it downtown and ran into the Dunkin Donuts that is across the street from the T stop. I waited there with my kindle for about an hour (I was early since I got out of work early). He was also running late and then I decided to throw in the towel. We were obviously not going to walk around the Commons in the pouring rain and he had no idea when he was getting out of work (I can’t even remember what happened. I could look through my texts in my old phone, but that would require hunting for my Blackberry which I don’t feel like doing right now).

So that’s that. We never met and I never did find out what Gender Fluid really means. If anyone can enlighten me, that would be fantastic!



Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

8 thoughts on “The Gender Fluid Guy

  1. Haha very interesting almost date!!! My interpretation of the whole “gender fluid” thing would have to go back to the difference between “sex” and “gender” (I took a few queer theory classes in college). So “sex” is what a person biologically is – male or female. “Gender” is what a person performs. So for example, if I was a very butchy, manly type woman, then I would relate more so to the masculine gender, but that doesn’t mean I am a man, because my sex is still female. Does that make sense?? It’s definitely an interesting thing to identify oneself as. I totally feel you on the whole being attracted to very straight men thing though, it’s probably best you didn’t meet up with this guy. =)

  2. i agree with the above definition, but want to add it sounds like the guy is a wobbler. wobbles back and forth, never actually making up his mind definitively. and potentially a game player or narcissist with how he just threw “gender fluid” out there like that, with no real explanation, expecting it to catch the curious, or at least, provide a him-centered topic of conversation.

  3. Genderfluid doesn’t really have a precise definition. There’s a lot of tomboys who alternate between dressing and behaving like a man or a woman. ‘Genderqueer’ can just mean androgony, and gender blending is quite fashionable.
    He mentioned it was new so it may be a transitory stage, but it would appear he is comfortable expressing his masculinity as well as his femininity – a true SNAG.

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