Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

Generic Online Dating Messages


Anyone that does online dating is fully aware of the Generic Message. However, I know some really stupid people. Well, I think they’re stupid. Other people might say that they’re thinking too deep on the subject. I say they’re stupid, because I’m a bitch, pretty much.

Anyway- stupid people. They ask me “well, what do you mean a “generic message”? How do I know what’s generic to each person?”
If you have to ask if your message is generic, it probably is.

Here’s an example of a generic message:

Hey, what’s going on, i am john….I am sure you get about a hundred messages daily, but I think your very attractive, and it’s very rare to find someone with natural beauty and you have it. I read your profile and it seems like we have a lot of compatibility; anyway if your interested hopefully I will hear from you soon

Let’s not even nitpick about the grammar. Let’s just discuss the content.

  • First, the “compliment”. Really? My advice on giving a compliment: Find something specific. If you’re going to compliment someone’s looks (which can be hit or miss), say something like “wow your eyes are a beautiful shade of blue!” I mean, that’s still cheesy, but at least I, as the reader, can think “oh at least he’s talking about me”. My best advice would be to either compliment something other than looks. Find something in the picture that you can genuninely compliment. Maybe they’re wearing a funny tshirt or they are somewhere interesting. Even better would be to compliment something in the profile. This can be ANYTHING, as long as the person has a well written profile.
  • “We have a lot in common.” Really? Like what? Name something. My profile is written really well (I’ll post parts of it sometime) and it’s easy to find something in common with me. Tell me what we have in common!! Otherwise, I’m not interested enough to dig deeper to get to know you.

Really, that’s all I have to say about this one particular message.

Seriously though, generic messages are lame. I can tell that you wrote that message, copied it, and are pasting it in a million different messages that you’re sending to every girl that shows up on your match list.

I understand that people get frustrated with writing unique messages for each person and never getting a reply. But this is no better. You definitely won’t get a reply with this message.

I mean that sincerely. When I had no intention of going out with the guy from  The Baseball Date when I first saw his profile. Then, he sent me a message and it was HILARIOUS. I went out with him just because his message was great. I mean, he ended up still being a creep, but that can happen no matter what.

Moral of the story: Personalize your messages.


Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

11 thoughts on “Generic Online Dating Messages

  1. Good advice. I know I ignored the generic messages! Of course, some of the specific ones were a bit off the mark too. My favorite, “You have a nice butt. Call me.” Not so much.
    (BTW, the smark alec in me wanted to reply to this with a generic blog post response:) I silenced her!)

  2. I always try to put a good amount of personalization in the messages I send in online dating sites. But you did find the root cause of these generic messages – guys are the ones that send out the messages to women on these sites, rarely the other way around. And women rarely respond to the messages we *do* send. So it becomes a *lot* of work for little to no reward in conjuring up personalized, great messages for each and every woman.

    • I totally understand that issue, but I know plenty of girls that send messages and get no response as well. Everyone should just always be genuine. It’s worth it to find the right one!!

  3. I have yet to experience the generic message, but then again, I’m quite an amateur in the online dating world and am still only on that one dating website. But I completely agree that people should definitely personalize their messages!! That’s so lazy for guys (or girls) to not do so!! P.S. There is nothing wrong with being a bitch and calling people out for being stupid, I think more people need to be that way!!! 😉

  4. Oh and I like the new layout too btw haha. =)

  5. Reblogged this on Friend Flirt and commented:
    This is a great post about generic online dating messages. I personally HATE generic messages and this blogger hits the nail on the head with this post. What are your thoughts on messaging while online dating?

  6. Pingback: A Very Weird And Disturbing Personal Ad Response I Recieved. | A Dating Dogs Blog

  7. Respectfully, I think you’re answering the wrong question. The relevant question from a guy’s perspective is this: Is the increase in response likelihood gained by a personalized email over a generic email worth the time it takes to write it?

    My research says the answer to that question is no.

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