Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

The Cop


So this is another online dude that never made it into my real life, thank God. Anyway, this one was sort of cute and was a cop. I’m not one of those girls who fawns over policemen or firemen, or any men in uniform (unless it’s a baseball uniform…), mostly because I’m a tomboy and I come from a family of cops and military members. I’m also a veteran, so while I respect my brothers (and sisters!) in arms, I don’t find them any more or less attractive.

So yea, this guy is a cop. He also is a boxer. I had just started boxing (I’ve switched to Muay Thai since then) when I found his profile so I thought I’d message him.

We started texting rather quickly, which is fine. I don’t see the point in talking online for forever (see The Chef) so I thought we’d actually meet up sooner, too.

This “relationship” lasted all of a week.

He would text me at 7:30am. On one hand, I didn’t mind TOO much, because I was already up for work. It was kind of cute for him to be like “good morning sunshine”. On the other hand- it would never be “good morning sunshine”. He would want to start a full conversation. Also, we hadn’t met yet, so he shouldn’t be sending me “good morning” texts. Gah.

And then he’d try to woo me with him being a cop. I would remind him that my dad and uncles were cops and that I have a criminology degree, so that while I thought him being a police officer was cool, I wasn’t going to fall for the same lines that other girls fall for. A ride in the police car is no big deal to me seeing as that’s how I got to school every day as a kid. And good for you, you have a shiny badge.

So one day, while I was at work, he was trying to get me to let him come visit me. I kept telling him “I’m sorry, I’m working with the kids right now and I’d like to meet you on an actual date, not like this.”

And then it stemmed into “But I want to do bad things to you! I’m in the cruiser, let me stop by!”

Wow, really?

So I started getting snippy with him. I informed him that I do NOT hook up randomly and that I was not impressed with his actions. That led to this next series of texts from him.

Him: ” You sounds kinda jaded, not really what I’m looking for. Best of luck to you.”
“You seem to be jaded. Like sex is all I want…..whatever….”

 Yup. Oh and did I mention that he brought up his penis size in our first conversation? I really should have known better when that happened, but I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Whoops. Here are some more texts from the next day:

Him: “Hey I actually met someone today and had a nice lunch. We have plans for this weekend. If things don’t work out I’ll text you in a couple weeks.”

Me: No thanks

Him: “K. You’lll find someone. Lots of guys are into “bigger” girls. You’ll be fine. You have “personality”. “Curvy”.

Me: Aw thanks! You know, plenty of girls don’t want a guy with a big dick so you should be able to find a girl who’ll like your little one much better 🙂

Him: “lol okay! It’s tiny! 1 inch!”


And that’s that. Seriously. And where does he get off calling me “bigger”?! I’m not a skinny little model type girl, and yes I’m curvy, but I look really good. So, yea. That guy came and went, luckily without me wasting too much of my time.



Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

8 thoughts on “The Cop

    • I know, right? I’m so glad he’s “serving and protecting” all the wonderful people in Cambridge. I hope I never run into him.

  1. ha! love the guys who turn passive aggressive before even meeting. what an idiot

  2. What an insecure loser. Haha. I’ve noticed that that type tends to be extremely prevalent. I also love the fact that after you’re clearly done with him, he continues to text you in attempts to make you “jealous.” Seriously?? Grow up!

  3. Holy crap! What an asshat. Seriously, how often do you encounter guys like this? I just don’t get it. Good thing that didn’t go anywhere.

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