Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

The Guy Who’s Leaving.

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Alright, so while I’m waiting around for my Not-Boyfriend to figure things out, I am still going out with other guys, just to keep my options open. Last week I met up with this guy at a coffee shop (which turned out to be RIGHT next to the Not-Boyfriend’s apartment. Good thing he wasn’t around last week, HA!). We had chatted for a bit leading up to this date, maybe a week or so. He seemed put together, attractive, and we had a few things in common. He’s from Philadelphia, which is my second city when it comes to sports. I was pretty excited to meet him, just to talk about Philly and baseball with him. However, even though I’m keeping my options open and going out on dates with other guys, I still find myself clinging to the Not-Boyfriend and wanting to be with him. I also start comparing new guys to him in my head (and to my girl friends), which is totally unfair to them. I’m trying to stay neutral.

So the coffee date went alright. First of all, he was there before me. THIS IS MAJOR. I am always a minimum of 15 minutes early to anything. Literally anything. I get panicky if I’m “late”. You people consider my “late” to be “on time”. I blame this on my military experience. So when I saw he was there before me, even though I was 15 minutes early, I was kind of shocked. This NEVER happens.

I sat down at this table with him and we chatted for a bit. He’s a funny guy and very smart. He’s working on his advanced degree (I’m pretty sure a Master’s) in engineering. I always end up dating engineers. It’s a fault of mine.

We got to talking about traveling and he was telling me how lately he’s been going all over the place for job interviews. He had just gotten back from Saudi Arabia a few days before. Other interviews were in California, Philadelphia, and some other places that were not Boston. I was able to keep my face blank, but in my head, all the alarms were going off. Does this guy just want some hook up sort of thing? Why is he trying to start dating someone if he’s leaving in 4-5 months?

The date ended and we went our separate ways. While nothing terrible happened, nothing amazing happened either. I found myself awkwardly talking too much and there was this awkward goodbye (are we shaking hands? hugging? waving? I’m lost…). I didn’t really expect to go on another date with him.

A few days later, he sends me a message and I was taken aback. Like I said, I wasn’t really expecting a call back. He asked me if it bothered me to know that he was planning on leaving soon. I told him that I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but that it is what it is. I don’t go into every date thinking “OH MY GOD, THIS IS GOING TO BE MY NEXT BOYFRIEND!!!”  I try to keep things light and just make friends with the guy I’m out with. If there’s something more, then awesome. If not, I’ve got a new friend. If it turns out that there was something between us and we started a relationship, we would cross that bridge when we came to it. He seemed to be cool with that answer.

Still, wasn’t expecting to go out with him again.

I had agreed to go out to dinner with him. On the coffee date, I had gone through my food texture issues (turns out I hate sushi which is his favorite….sorrrrrry) and how I can be awkward when it comes to going out, even though I like to try new things. We agreed to go out this past Saturday for dinner. However, I cancelled, since my roommate threw some unexpected activities at me that seemed more fun.

So we rescheduled to go out tonight. For ice cream. I like ice cream. I’ll go out for ice cream with anyone. We’ll see how this goes. Like I said, nice guy, but I am really hesitant to be anything more than friends with him.


Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

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