Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

This is really starting to bug me…


Okay, Mr. Not-Boyfriend. Yea, I’m talking TO YOU. I’m breaking my own rule of not posting about you, but this is really getting frustrating.

Sorry this is going to be a really frazzled post. I’m losing my mind right now.

So I’ve been on and off with this guy since August. Well, we were great, then he ended things and I didn’t talk to him til his birthday in Decemeber. Then we went out again, hit it off again, and he ended it again. Now we’re back to the beginning and are sort of on again.

I know already this sounds like a soap opera, but I promise it’s not that bad. I have some personal baggage that I’m not comfortable enough yet to share on here, but he’s aware of it and isn’t all that thrilled about it. That’s why he’s been so fickle about dating me.

Anyway, he’s made references to “our relationship”. He’s always very sweet. I also know for sure that he’s not a player (trust me on this one…), so I don’t think he’s playing a game.


I don’t want to feel like I’m throwing myself at him. I hate feeling like that. So the other night, I sent him a message saying “hey are you back from your conference? want to do something soon?” and he replied that his phone had been stolen so he hoped I hadn’t been texting him, that he’d be back the following night, and that he’d let me know when he was free to hang out.

Great, that’s fine. But seriously- when are you free to hang out? Do you even want to hang out? If not, JUST SAY SO.

I’m tired of waiting around. If I knew that he was for sure wanting to be with me, I’d be fine with waiting. But because I don’t know the details of my own relationship, I don’t know what the rules are. Are we exclusive? Is this going somewhere?

I don’t want to date other guys, but I’m not going to stay at home every night, waiting for him to decide. We go out once every other week, as of right now.

I’ve brought up our “relationship” before to him. That’s what ended it last time. He didn’t expect me to ask what was going on and he stumbled over a bunch of words and ended things. I understand that my baggage is a lot to carry and I don’t expect him to do so. I also don’t want to pressure him into a relationship- I just want to know if I should be seeing other guys or not.

I’m too scared to ask him again.



Help please.


Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

7 thoughts on “This is really starting to bug me…

  1. Have a talk with him. Are you sleeping together? If so, the “while we’re sleeping together, I don’t want you to sleep with anyone else” talk is pretty standard.

    If not, I still don’t think there is anything wrong with asking him to date you exclusively. One girl I dated in the past had this talk with me after our second date (granted, we had sex after our first), and it didn’t scare me away. Being open isn’t being desperate. Of course, you have to be comfortable with the possibility that he will say no like he did the first time.

    Your mileage may vary.

    • Thank you for the advice. The only thing stopping us from actually dating (as far as I know) is this one stupid thing of mine. Most guys I meet seem to deal with it better, but he can’t (which is completely understandable). If you’d like, we can have an email convo about it since I’m not comfortable yet to use this space to write about it (a lot of people I know read this who don’t know yet).

      I’ll eventually have the chat with him. Soon. The ball is in his court now which I hate because even when it’s in mine, I feel like I have no control of the situation.

      • I can’t say I’m not curious. Previous marriage? To a Fundamentalist Mormon?! DID YOU JUST ESCAPE FROM ONE OF THOSE UTAH COMPOUNDS?!?!

        My imagination runs wild with these kinds of things.

      • haha I wish it were that simple. How can I contact you privately? I’d love to pick your brain on this subject.

  2. Are wordpress Direct Messages not a thing? Seems like that should be a feature. Anyway, my profile has my email address in it. Use it responsibly.

  3. this almost sounds like he’s maybe not that into you. sorry, not trying to be mean, but from someone coming in cold and reading a few of these posts, it sounds like you should follow your own advice on this and cut him loose. you’ve tried three times now an he goes days without calling, and you only see him once every two weeks?

    he’s taking up way too much space i your head. cut him loose.

  4. Pingback: The Not-Boyfriend, vol. 3 « Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

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