Are You Friggin' Kidding Me?

One Bostonian's Misadventures in Dating

A real conversation with a real idiot


Recently, I had been texting with this guy back and forth and trying to schedule a date with him. Our timing was all off, but it wasn’t a huge issue yet. Last week, I had texted him to try to make plans and he said he had a dinner date that night. I said “oh cool, good luck” and shrugged it off. No big deal.

Until that evening. The following conversation happens. Seriously, WTF. I don’t get it at all.

Him: What’s up?

Me: Not a whole lot. You?

Him: Getting home. Slightly inebriated.

Me: How was your date?

Him: Lol drunk and by myself how do you think it went haha

Me: Awww

Him: How’s your evening?

Me: Low key.

Him: Awe. Wanna cuddle?

Me: Aw if we’d already met maybe. But not tonight.

Him: Phff that means nothing

Me: What

Him: If we had met already lol

Me: Well I haven’t met you so I’m not going to cuddle with a stranger 😛

Him: If you meet me we are no longer strangers

Me: exactly

Him: ?

Me: so let’s meet soon and then if we get along we can cuddle another time

Him: Nope

Me: Why

Him: I don’t want the preposition of “if you decide we get along” to cloud my judgement of if you like me. Oh well.

Me: That won’t change anything

Him: already has

Me: How? I’m lost.

Him: because. you don’t trust me.

Me: I didn’t say that. I just don’t cuddle or hook up randomly.

Him: It’s not random. 

Me: It is. I’m just not that easy.

Him: See? I knew it was you trying to prove to yourself you weren’t ‘easy’ which I never presupposed you were

Me: Ok. So it seems like you just want to play games.

Me and Him: Bye.


Author: Jane Champagne

I'm a single late 20s chick, living in Boston. I go on a lot of horrible dates, but some good ones, too.

2 thoughts on “A real conversation with a real idiot

  1. Wow. This is epically bad. I would feel bad for the dude if he wasn’t obviously a total douche.

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